The Wind and Window Flower
by alexa524
Summary: Strong, loud, rude, and quite fond of giving rants in list forms, Clarissa does not belong in Ouran. Or the Host Club. And yet she's stumbled into both. Will the school explode? If you know of Robert Frost's poem this fic is named after, that's the plot.
1. One: How It All Began

**A/N: Product of boredom that I wrote and forgot about. Please review!**

I'll never forget the first time I opened the door of the third music room, and I doubt its occupants will either.

|!|!|!|!|

My name is Clarissa Jane Chandler, or CJ. I was a scholarship student, half-English and half-Japanese, trying my best to survive this ridiculous school so I could have a better chance of being accepted to the college of my dreams. I wanted to become a poet and a writer, and it seemed like a reachable goal. I was good with numbers and money, not a genius and not the best, but good. I never got less than a B+ in math because I studied long and hard. English came easily to me, I love history, I've got a flair for art –especially painting in an impressionist style, or with watercolors- and astronomy is one of my hobbies. It's the other areas of science that confuse me, so I always study hardest in math and especially science, because a lot of science confuses me so badly I get a mix of Bs and Cs. I've never failed anything though, a fact my parents were always proud of. Their pride couldn't help wearing off on me. I won every poetry contest I entered and magazines published several of my short stories. I was the top in my class with history and art, and a good student in math. Science could be overlooked with these accomplishments, especially since I got good marks on all essays and research papers I wrote for science class.

As good of a student as I was, it wasn't all studying. I have a love for martial arts and other kinds of physical combat. I applied the same methods of studying and earned my black belt at the age of fifteen. I was tomboyish by nature and fighting provided an outlet for stress and helped with writer's block and the general need I had for a physical hobby to contrast with my studying.

How I ended up in a cathedral-like pink school is all the fault of my Uncle –mom's sister's husband- Soto Hideki. He saw an article in the paper about another scholarship student and immediately thought of me. So my dad, Warren Chandler, and my mom, Shinju Chandler, agreed to send me to Japan if I was accepted into the school. I was and they made arrangements for me to live in the same building as my aunt and uncle. I got my own apartment because there was no room in their apartment for me.

I was happy to go to Ouran High School, but I didn't want to leave my family. I have a little brother and sister and friends in England, and I would be away, on another continent! Benny encouraged me to make the move to Japan because he's less emotionally inclined than anyone I know. He doesn't think highly of martial arts either, and we're constantly arguing with each other. Ella, the youngest, tried everything to get me to stay but I wanted the independence the move promised. My mother and father would send me money every month to help pay the rent and groceries, but I would probably have to find a job. My uncle promised to look into it and found a dojo where I could help teach the younger children twice a week, and said I could always run errands for the builders he worked with.

And so I made the move. I had a week to get settled and then I had to start going to school. I couldn't wait.

|!|!|!|!|

"I hate this bloody place." I whispered under my breath in English. I was surrounded by giggling girls dressed in yellow dresses so poofy they got caught in doorways, and guys who weren't much better and had egos the size of the school itself. The building looked more like a fairy castle than a school, and annoyed me to no end as I kept on getting lost. Star student I may be, but I didn't have an inner compass and usually just carried a map around with me that I had drawn myself. It didn't do much to help.

I exited the room I was in and tried to find a way outside for a breath of fresh air. I had a study hall but the libraries were crowded with the people who didn't care about studying. Social people, talking to their friends. It wasn't much different in the halls. I wondered where the people who were at the top of the class went to study. I had yet to see them in the library, but they had to study somewhere. I latched onto this new idea and decided to stalk the best student in my class tomorrow. I made my way outside and breathed deeply. I decided to study out there like I had been doing for the past week, when a teacher caught me. She let me go with a warning, since I was new, and escorted me back to the library where I did my best to shut the noise out and focus on my work.

After school I caught a bus and then walked the rest of the way home, where I switched to my motorcycle. My bike was seldom used because my uncle gets nervous when I use it, but I wasn't going to stop by his work today, so I dusted the sear off and climbed on.

My motorcycle was old but had a new paint job of blue-green and black dragon detail that sparkled in the sun. The hubcaps were missing and I never had time to do more than wash it, so the unpainted parts looked crappy and the seat was bound tightly with dirty cloth strips to stop the padding from flying off. I turned the key and rode out past all of the different apartment buildings and down so many roads I was barely able to remember how to get to the old warehouse.

Ryou's gang met here. Ryou was the first friend I made since I moved. He caught sight of me sparring at the dojo, when he came by to drop off some borrowed weaponry, and invited me to join his gang. His gang gets in a lot of street fights and such, and they're sometimes involved in minor crime, but they usually stick to fighting. They're a pretty small gang so they can't get in too much trouble because they don't have enough members. They all have aliases, even me. There I am Yuka, but Ryou knows my real name. As long as I'm not involved in crime, the alias isn't needed, but I don't want people showing up at Ouran.

Most of the gang knew me by then. I was one of the few people talking with an English accent and proudly sporting red hair. If you passed me by in the street, you would assume I was Japanese with dyed hair, but after hearing me speak you'd know I was a foreigner.

Most of the warehouse was furnished in shabby furniture and the walls were covered in graffiti. Ryou had paid only the best artists to decorate his hangout. At the far end was a metal fence square, called "the Cage", that we used for one-on-one indoor matches. A group of guys and a few girls were gathered around and they cheered loudly for the fighter they had placed bets on. A TV was against the northern wall and a few guys were clustered around there, or on the couch, intensely staring at a sports game on the screen. Across the room there was a former gym bench where a few girls were sitting and a liquor-covered table as a makeshift bar.

"Yuka-chan, welcome back!" One of the girls called. She got up and I saw from the dim light reflected in her dyed-silver hair that it was Sakura, Ryou's girlfriend. Of course, Sakura was not her real name, just like Ryou was not Ryou's name.

"Ah, Sakura-chan. Yuka is here today, then?" Said one of the guys I hadn't noticed before. I could tell from the voice that it was Ryou's best friend and second-in-command, Ken. He stepped out from the darkest corner where he had been fiddling around with a motor.

"Ken-kun! Sakura-chan! It's so good to see you both again!" I said. "Where's Ryou?"

"Oh, hey, Yuka-chan. Be there in a sec." Called Ryou from his seat on the couch. He was watching TV with the other guys. I walked over to where Sakura was and sat down. I didn't know many of the girl's names, just a few, and I said hello to them while Ken came over and started talking with me. We both liked to tinker with motors and engines, but he was better at it than I was. He was studying to be a mechanic, and had joined the gang to support his best friend. Once the gang started getting serious Ken planned on leaving to become a mechanic, although he would offer his services to his former gang at anytime.

"Sorry, Yuka. How was school?" Ryou teased as he finally came over. Most of the gang had graduated high school and since Ryou found out about Ouran, he never stopped teasing me about it, although he did so without letting it on because he was just a discreet guy. Discreetly annoying.

"Great. Are you still losing at the bets?" Sakura, Ken, and the girls laughed with me as Ryou protested.

"Yuka! That's not fair! Just because you have some luck at cards."

I laughed. "Luck? Set the table out and find me a deck. This is _not_ luck. It's skill." Ryou snapped his fingers and with a whoop the guys who had previously been glued to the TV took one of the folding tables from their stack against the wall. Folding chairs were produced from the same location. Within five minutes, two tables pushed together to form a square were flanked with Ken, Ryou, Sakura, two other guys, and me. Sakura was sitting next to Ryou as an observer but anyone else who wanted to watch had to stand around us.

"Blackjack. He deals." Ryou said, pointing to one of the guys I didn't know. I smiled; blackjack was my best game. I was as good as most in poker, except I knew when to quit. I had a peculiar luck for blackjack, and always seemed to get good cards.

We placed our bets. I turned over the ones I was dealt and saw I had a ten and a nine. A quick glance in his direction told me Ken had horrible cards. Whatever he was thinking was always written on his face, unlike Ryou. As I looked at him he smiled knowingly and put his cards back down on the table. No help there.

"Hit me." He said to the dealer.

"Fold." Said Ken as he scooted his chair back with a frustrated sigh.

"I'll stay." I said.

"Uh..." The guy next to me said. I glanced at him and saw him looking from his cards to the dealer. "Stay." He finally said. The dealer gave himself a card. Next round Ryou and I didn't drawn anymore cards. The other guy decided he was going to try for a bigger number due to some sudden spurt of courage most likely caused by the girl who had taken a sudden interest in him and was draping her arms around his neck and whispering encouraging words to him. When he got an eight, she left him with a sigh of disgust. The dealer was still satisfied with his cards and glanced smugly at us. Next round we were the only ones left. Ryou turned over his cards to reveal a queen and a seven. The dealer had an ace, a six, and a king. I won with my ten and nine, and Ryou groaned.

"How do you do it, Yuka?" I shrugged.

"Dunno. Poker?" They agreed and a few more chairs were drawn up. This time Sakura played with us. I played three games and then called quits, and left with a small profit that would be just enough for me to pick up some sushi on the way home.

It was dusk by the time I got back. I would have stayed at the gang's hideout longer if I didn't have homework. Sundown was when the real fun began. I left my bike in my parking spot, unlocked the door, and turned on the TV. I always listened to TV while doing homework, even though I couldn't stand noise most of the time, having the TV turned on low somehow made me focus stronger on my work and I finished faster. I guess my brain blocked out the noise with an intensity that rubbed off into my studying. It was something I'd have to ask a scientist.

After I was done I turned the TV up and watched a few episodes of an anime called "Death Note" while I ate sushi. Then it was time for bed. I turned on my alarm and soon I was fast asleep under the covers.

|!|!|!|!|

I hid behind a pillar as I watched Ootori walk quickly up stairs and through hallways. Several times I had almost lost him but when I turned around I caught sight of his back quickly disappearing somewhere into Ouran.

Suddenly, he stopped. I ducked into a doorway and stuck my head out to see him open a door and close it in the same hurried manner. As soon as I was sure he was gone I walked towards it. I put my hand on the doorknob and pressed my ear to the door. I couldn't really hear anything. I backed up and looked at the sign above the door. Music room number three. I had only heard voices, not music, coming from the room. I gave the door a final look over and saw a few rose petals lying on the ground, smushed by my feet. Weird.

Finally, I decided I would just have to try it. Ootori wasn't the only smart one in class missing from the libraries, so there must be other places the students can run off to. If I was unwelcome here, maybe I'd be welcome at one of the other study-places. I grasped the handle and turned, and a white light temporarily blinded me as something that tasted bitter landed in my mouth. As I regained my sight I saw a barrage of rose petals coming towards me.

"Ahh! Attack of the rose petals!" I immediately yelled without thinking, in English, then cursed myself for not keeping quiet. I even had my hands up in a fighting stance.

As the petals drifted towards the ground I looked to see a group of seven boys all dressed like… cowboys? Staring at me, open-mouthed. I stared back.


	2. Two: The Teapot

**A/N: It's another chapter! So soon! Haha so here we have Clarissa ruder than before, but not as rude as she will be. How she can be rude to such incredible cuteness as Honey is beyond me... even though she's my OC, I don't understand her at all.**

**Forgot to say this before, but I don't own OHSHC. Oh, and if you review, tell me who your favorite host is? I'm curious.**

**Without further ado... a recap.**

_"Ahh! Attack of the rose petals!" I immediately yelled without thinking, in English, then cursed myself for not keeping quiet. I even had my hands up in a fighting stance._

_As the petals drifted towards the ground I looked to see a group of seven boys all dressed like… cowboys? Staring at me, open-mouthed. I stared back._

|!|!|!|!|

I recognized Ootori and Souh, but none of the others. "Uh… welcome?" The second shortest one said.

"Huh... huh… hi…" I said, spitting out a rose petal. "I'll be leaving now…"

"Why so fast, princess?" A voice behind me said. I wasn't sure what I walked into but I was prepared to _run_ out. "Don't you want to stay and visit with me, prince of the lonely western wild?" I turned to see Souh closer than necessary, smiling a smile most would find irresistible… but one that plain creeped me out. What was he even talking about?

"No… not really." He smiled but his eyes began tearing up.

"Alas! So cold. Perhaps a golden cowboy can warm you up?" What the… what… wait… was he? I had no idea what was going on but when he stroked my cheek with his finger I shut my eyes tight and shot out with my fist.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed, barely remembering to yell in Japanese. When I opened my eyes I found the two short boys staring at me somewhat scared, and the two redheaded twins tilting their heads in confusion.

"Eh, she's worse than you in the morning, Kyoya-senpai." They said together. I blinked twice. How did they do that so perfectly?

"That may be true, but what is she doing here in the first place?" Ootori asked. "Clarissa Chandler doesn't come to the Host Club, and she spends most of her time studying, like Haruhi."

"Oh." The twins said as I blinked again.

"How did you know that?" Was all I could say. A glance at the second shortest boy showed he was just as confusedly offended as I was.

"Senpai, you really shouldn't do that to people." He said. I nodded my head but felt a tug on my arm. Fearing the worst, I pulled it up and looked down not to see Souh, but the short boy.

"Clarissa-chan, wanna eat some cake with me and Usa-chan?" He asked in a voice that fit a boy in his kindergarten years, but he was wearing the high-school uniform.

"I don't like cake. How old are you?" I asked, brain numb.

"I'm a third-year! I'm in the same class as Takashi." He excitedly said as he pointed to the extremely tall one who was sitting in a chair, watching everything. He seemed to be the only sane one… if you overlooked the cowboy garb.

I shook my head and turned to go when I saw Souh sitting in a corner, looking _very_ depressed. "Uh… Souh… is he okay? In the head?" As I said this Souh visibly flinched, as if he had been shot in the back. Everything was dramatically overdone with this guy.

"Tamaki-senpai…" The brown-haired short boy said. "Are you turning into an empty husk again?" So this happened all the time?

"All of you… especially Souh… and Ootori… and the twins… you're all really freaking me out. A lot. I'm going to leave now." And as I turned once again to leave, the sound of a powerful motor and a laugh that sent shivers down my spine, worse than even Kira's, echoed around the room. The floor began to shake as a dirty-blonde girl rose up on a platform. The laugh was coming from her.

"Tepid! Quite tepid!" She shouted. I blinked.

"No. No no no no no. _This_ is not for real. This is a circus! A madhouse! I'm going to complain to the headmaster about this!" And I marched off yet again only to be washed away with a sea of yellow-clad girls. I did my best to glare at them but they ignored me and all ran towards some seat or another as I was knocked to the ground.

"I hate to bother you," I heard from above me. It was Ootori, and his tone did not suggest he hated bothering me at all. "But would you go cheer up Tamaki? He needs to entertain his guests." He didn't hold out a hand, so I pushed myself off the ground and looked around. The twins, the short and tall one, and the semi-normal short boy were all talking to the girls and pouring tea. Every now and then a girl would squeal and swoon. Weird.

"Um, no? I'm not going near that creep." I heard a moan and Souh, pale of all color, flinched so hard he righted himself and fell on top of the nearest person, the brown-haired guy.

"Haruhi… is Daddy really a creep?" The girls the unfortunate Haruhi had been entertaining backed away with a nervous apprehension, tinged with excitement.

"Senpai. Please get off of me." The boy's voice, which didn't sound like a boy's at all, piped out from under Souh, who had half-toppled over the couch. Suddenly, the twins were behind him.

"Tamaki-senpai, you're acting like a creep to Haruhi." They said in harmony. I shivered and turned back to Ootori.

"I'll give you one last shot, since you seem somewhat reasonable. I'll explain it very slowly, and I won't repeat myself, so listen. I am _leaving_! Because one: Souh is a creepy weirdo. Two: the twins are kind of disturbing me." Even as I said this, I glanced towards them, and they were hugging each other while two guests screamed in fangirl-ism. "Three: you're all dressed up like cowboys. Four: There is a _person_ under your _floor_! With an astonishingly scary laugh! Five: All these girl's swooning is giving me a headache. Six: Because no matter how many times I ask, you bunch of idiots didn't tell me a thing! Seven: I was _attacked_ with _rose petals_! Eight: The short guy is really, really weird! And he's eating more cake than he probably weighs! Nine: Because the only sane people in this bunch are technically insane by normal standards! And finally, Ten: You somehow knew about me, but I've never even talked to you before!"

"Are you done ranting?"

"Yes! No! Tell me how and what else you know!" I said. "I demand it."

Suddenly, Ootori's smirk grew wider. I felt my satisfaction and triumph at my long rant fading away.

"Clarissa Jane Chandler. Half-English, half-Japanese. Father is stockbroker Warren Chandler Jr., mother Shinju Nakatsuka-Chandler, formerly of the Nakatsuku plastic company's CEO's family. Despite being somewhat wealthy, you are a scholarship student. Your best grades are in English and Art, your worst in Science. You do not wear the school uniform, using the untruthful excuse that you don't have enough to pay for more than a sweatshirt."

I cut him off. "Fine! But I bet you wouldn't wear that banana-poof uniform either!" He glanced up bemusedly from his notebook, a continuous presence no matter what had happened in this oddball music room.

"I'm a boy. I would never need to wear the uniform." I blushed. My tongue had gotten out of control again, and I found myself shooting back with a typically mean response. I could be rude with annoying people or people I didn't know.

"Are you sure? You guys dress a tad weird. I wouldn't be surprised to find out this is a group of secret crossdressers and cosplayers." Again, a bemused smile. I wondered if my rude comment had hit any truth.

"Back on subject. I also know about your friends, Yuka." I held my breath as he smirked again. Ooh, I wanted to punch him so badly! So I did –not in the face, as I wanted, but in the gut. He _was_ wearing glasses.

I ignored the death glares a few of the girls were giving me and the shocked faces off the boys and stomped –finally- out of the room.

"Wahh! She hurt Kyoya-kun!" I heard the short, cake monster wailing as I slammed the door.

|!|!|!|!|

The next day, as I hurried to get ready for school, pulling on my customary black skinny jeans and Ouran's gym uniform sweatshirt, I realized I must have forgotten my books at the school. I frowned and as I caught the bus, tried to remember the last place I set them… was it in the classrooms? I hoped it wasn't in the music room.

As luck would have it, I searched the entire day and found no sign of my silver book-bag in the classrooms. As I finished marking down on my arm the passages in the textbook the teacher was talking about so I could look them up later on today, the bell sounded. I added the final letter –using my native language since writing in Japanese was still harder than writing in English- and dashed out. My plan was to make it to the music room before any of the odd characters, especially Souh or Ootori, got there.

I ran all the way, got lost twice, but managed to find it before any of them got there. I found my bag in a far corner of the room, mostly dark, where another pile of junk was. I grabbed it and was about to leave when I heard the short one's chatter. I froze, looked around the room, and darted under a curtain. Underneath was a piano that I banged my head on, but it was a double hiding spot so I ignored the pain and crawled underneath it.

"Do you think she liked the cake we brought, Takashi?" The happy little guy said.

"Yeah." An unfamiliar voice, but when I peeked out the curtain, I saw there was only the tiny blonde and the huge, dark guy in here. The tall one began arranging tables and chairs that had previously been stacked up.

"I think she liked it. It had strawberries, and Haruhi-chan loves strawberries!" Haruhi was the name of that semi-normal guy Souh was harassing yesterday, right? Why was the short guy referring to him as a her?

"I wonder what Tamaki-kun will have us cosplay today? Or maybe no cosplay. Usa-chan likes cosplay. I think we should do a bunny cosplay sometime, except Tamaki got mad when Hikaru and Kaoru tried to get Haruhi to dress up as a bunny."

"Oh, Hunny! Mori! You're already here?" I heard the voice of Haruhi.

"Yeah. You know what? Class ended early for us. Did you and your papa enjoy the cake?" The shorty said.

"Haruhi's dad is too overprotective." Said one of the twins. I peeked out again and watched as he placed his arm on Haruhi's shoulder.

"Yeah. So is her "other" father, or so Tamaki thinks he is." Said the other twin, copying the first twin. I was struck with a childhood memory of Dr Suess. Thing 1 and thing 2.

"Maybe she should come play with us!" They finished in harmony, making me shiver again as I wondered about the whole he/she thing.

"Hey! What are you doing to my little girl!" Souh cried as he came in the room and saw the twins entwining their limbs around Haruhi, who just ignored it all. Behind Souh came Ootori. The sight of him made me remember my comment yesterday about crossdressers, and his reaction. Had I been right, after all?

"Mama! Make them stop!" Souh yelled at Ootori, pointing to the trio. This was too much. I let the curtain drape back down to hide me, bit into my elbow, and shook with laughter; effectively giving myself away.

"Eh? What do we have here?" The curtain was pulled up by the twins to reveal Haruhi shoving Tamaki away as he pushed a… teddy bear towards his/her face.

"Oh!" He gasped as he caught sight of me. "It's that girl from yesterday! Spy!" He freaked out and grabbed Haruhi's hand. "Haruhi! I'll protect you!" He pulled him/her towards the nearest sofa while I laughed so hard no sound came out. Everyone stared at me as I sat down and held my ribs to keep them from exploding. Finally the laugh died out into actual sound, but I didn't stop for awhile. The whole time their blank, confused faces kept me going.

"Are you done?" Asked Ootori when I was quiet for a little bit.

"Yes… I think so…" I said, casting an uncertain look to where Tamaki hiding behind the sofa with his teddy bear in hand almost made me start up again.

"Then what are you doing here?" I felt myself getting annoyed again.

"Shut up, _mama_, I just came to get my book-bag."

"Then why were you under the piano?" The twins asked.

"More importantly, how long was she there?" Said Ootori.

"The answer to both questions is that when I heard those two," I pointed to Takashi and the short one… either Mori or Hunny. "I freaked out and dove for cover."

Ootori's eyes grew darker. "In other words, you know about Haruhi?"

"Um… I think? She's a girl or he's a boy… I'm a little confused as to which is which… why does that matter?" At this point he started talking about private police or something. I ignored him and started checking to make sure everything was in my bag and the writing on my hands and arms were intact. With alarm I saw that the words were beginning to fade. After accidentally messing up a science experiment, I'd had to wash my arms and face very thoroughly and now the after-effects were showing.

"That's all very nice, but I have to go now. Cheerio!" I said and dashed towards the door, eyes on my hand. Somehow, there was a banana peel on the floor and I slipped and hit my head on something. I closed my eyes as pain began to spread through my head. "Ow…" I moaned.

"Are you alright?" I heard the short guy ask. My finger went of it's own accord to a spot on my forehead where the pain went from sharp to throbbing. I touched something warm, wet -and as oxygen hit the substance- sticky.

"I… I'm fine." I said as I remembered the fading notes. "Get away." I said, and opened my eyes, afraid of what I would see. Haruhi, the twins, Shortie, Souh, and Takashi all bent over me with concerned faces… or Takashi's was slightly concerned, and mostly blank. Ootori stood behind them, furiously writing away at something.

"Away. Please." I tried again. They remained there.

"That looks really bad." Haruhi said. "Maybe you should go to the hospital." I freaked out. Hospital? I couldn't write down my homework and all the lesson references I'd need if they took me to a hospital.

"No." I pushed myself off the ground, first sitting, then standing. I was aware of my knees threatening to give out and the room starting to spin. I looked around to see what I had hit my head on, and saw it was some type of teapot or something. "Sorry for breaking your… pot." I said.

"Don't worry about it." Haruhi said. "It's not like it was an expensive antique vase or anything. Right, Kyoya-senpai?" He/she glanced at Ootori. "Right, Kyoya-senpai?" His/her brow furrowed in worry. "Oh no." He/she said as the glasses Ootori wore were pushed up and light reflected on them so his eyes were impossible to see.

"Very like an expensive, antique vase, Haruhi. And yes, Clarissa. You're going to have to go to the hospital." I shook my head and instantly regretted it as needles of pain stabbed through my brain. A drop of blood slid down my face and into my eye. I brushed it away and caught sight of the writing.

"Can we talk about this tomorrow? I have homework… and lessons…" Ootori noticed the almost-gone writing on my hands that were visible with my rolled up sleeves, and grabbed my arm.

"These notes are from today's lessons." I almost replied with a certain witty Sherlock Holmes phrase, but the pain in my forehead called for a quick departure.

"Tomorrow it is then." I said and tried to leave. Walking proved to be too much, the room started turning somersaults and my knees stopped working with a rubbery type of feeling about them. I fell towards the ground for the second time today, but impossibly fast and strong arms caught me. I looked up into Takashi's expressionless face and closed my eyes, wishing I was dead. This was so embarrassing.

**A/N: Yes, I used the totally cliche broke-something-of-the-host-club's plot. But with all those banana peels, how can you not be breaking something of theirs? I'm seriously doubt that realistically, Haruhi would be the only one in debt. Not that it matters, this story was written with the idea that cliches can be funny if treated right. But this isn't a parody. It's just something that will hopefully make people laugh. The fun thing about tightly-wound characters... when they unravel, it makes for lots of laughs!**

**So, there's gonna be a little poking fun at another cliche plot, while I'm using it. I'm so two-faced. Oh well!**

**If your reading this, and reviewing, should the banana peel return?**


	3. Three: Hospital

**A/N: Woot! UPDATE! Good thing I have so much of this written. **

**Me no own Ouran.**

**Flashback time!**

_"Tomorrow it is, then." I said and tried to leave. Walking proved to be too much, the room started turning somersaults and my knees stopped working with a rubbery type of feeling about them. I fell towards the ground for the second time today, but impossibly fast and strong arms caught me. I looked up into Takashi's expressionless face and closed my eyes, wishing I was dead. This was so embarrassing._

|!|!|!|!|

When I first woke up, I thought my wish came true. All I could see was white. Suddenly, the smell of sick old people, floor cleaner, and medicine hit my nose like a foot to a ball. I was in a hospital. I remembered the events of yesterday and lunged up, and fell back on the bed. My head started hurting again. I glanced down at my arm and screamed. They had one of those IV things in it… I couldn't feel the needle but knowledge that it was there made me freak out. I was afraid to touch it. I glanced at my other arm and saw that the writing was completely gone except for a few traces of light blue that didn't even form letters. Then it hit me that I was in a hospital gown… a hospital gown!

I slowly got out of bed, careful not to hurt my bandaged head with any sudden movements. I took the IV bag off its hook and walked towards my clothes that were lying, neatly folded, on my chair. In my pants pocket was a small pocketknife. I took it out and cut my sweatshirt's sleeve at the seam of the arm that had the IV. Then I got dressed, awkwardly maneuvering the wire of the IV around the shirt. Then I tried to hook it up to its rolling stand. It took me awhile, but I finally got it on. Just when I finally had everything ready to go out, find a nurse, and ask her when I could leave and to please get the needle out of me, it happened. I pulled the curtain out of the way and walked straight into Takashi.

"What are you doing here?" Was the first uncontrolled remark that rolled out of my mouth.

"It's tomorrow." A voice from behind the giant said. I recognized it as Ootori.

"You! I said I didn't want to go to a hospital!" I let loose and yelled at them all. Ootori and Haruhi just stood there and watched, Takashi covered the short one's ears, the twins smiled evilly, and Souh hid in the corner of the closet.

"…and I'll make you all wish you were in bloody h-"

"That's enough." Ootori interrupted me. "I've already suffered through one of your rants." The twins laughed as I simmered… no, boiled!

"Why, you!" The second unsummoned retort I uttered.

"Hey, Kyoya, why don't you just tell her what you need to tell her. Maybe that will shut her up." I threw the harmonizing twins such a glare it would have knocked over Big Ben. It didn't phase them at all. My guess is they knew I would react like that and were playing some strange, messed up game with me.

"That's what we came here for. Clarissa, I brought you copies of the homework from today and yesterday so-"

"Yesterday? I've been in here for a whole day?"

"Yes. As I was saying, I have the homework and I remember most of the lessons, and I took the liberty of recording some of the textbook references you had written on your arm and hand and adding a few that I remembered. I'll give them to you if you hear me out." I frowned. I needed an entire lesson for my science class, or else I was doomed.

"Did you get all the science textbook references?" I asked.

"No, I got a few… about three. And a half." I held my breath.

"And how much did you add to it?"

"Well… I'm not in the same science class as you." Oh. That's right. Ootori must have been in an advanced science class. I thought about this problem while a curious pair of twins and the short guy peered into the closet. Whatever they saw made them quickly shut the door and run for Haruhi. When he/she looked inside he/she immediately started yelling about mushrooms. Weird.

"Okay. I'll accept the deal if you agree to _try_ and help me with whatever you remember on the subject. Maybe Souh remembers what the topics were for science." I knew I couldn't expect much from the idiot, but maybe if I was lucky? A glance at Ootori who was chuckling showed there was no such hope.

"Tamaki? Sorry, but, he had a run in with Nekozawa and Belzenef and ended up in the Greek class. Again." He sent a disapproving look Souh's way as I wondered who Nekozawa and Belzenef were.

"Ah… well… I guess I'll just have to give the teacher a call. It's a deal, then?" I knew I was getting the better end of the bargain, but Ootori didn't seem to notice. Weird.

"It's a deal. Now to the real problem." I frowned. This didn't sound good at all. What was the word? Foreboding? Ominous? Apprehensive? That was how I felt. "You see, Haruhi here accidentally broke a vase of ours' a while back. She got in a lot of debt because of that."

I nodded but then caught on to something that had been confusing me for a while. "Wait… is Haruhi a girl or a boy?" Haruhi shot me a dry look from across the room.

"I'm a girl." She said.

"Oh. Sorry." I said, then turned back to Ootori, who did not look happy with my interruption. "Continue, please."

"I will. Anyway, Haruhi became a host to fulfil her debt-"

"A host?"

"Yes, Clarissa. Someone who entertains the girls of this school and to make them happy. That's the aim of Ouran's Host Club." He sounded impatient.

"Uh… okay."

"Anyway, you just recently broke a teapot-"

"Oh yeah! I'll buy you a new one!"

"You can't." he said tersely.

"But-"

"The artist is dead, Clarissa. Has been for a hundred years. It's one of a kind, worth a lot of money. Not half as much as the vase, but a lot." Oh crap.

"Kyoya-senpai, I told you, just add the teapot to my quota." Haruhi said. I turned to her with a panicked look.

"NO! I mean, I always pay my debts." The thought of condemning someone to even five minutes of these lunatics' company was horrible! How could anyone do that?

"It shouldn't be a problem, with your parents being rich, to ask them to send some money." There was the catch. Apparently this was enough money that Ootori was assuming I didn't have the amount in my bank account, which I probably didn't. I used the money my parents sent me mostly for rent and groceries, but anything extra I put in a savings account to give back to them when I graduated. I didn't like being dependent on them for money so I worked at the dojo and helped the guys out at my uncle's work for gas money, bus fares, lunches at Ouran, and spending money.

Another thing was that although my mom inherited money, and my dad was a stockbroker, there wasn't a lot of money. I knew anything they had they saved up so they could send their children to the best schools and colleges. I hated to ask them for money.

"No, I don't want to bother them. I'll just have to pay you back myself."

"Are you sure? You'll need a part time job. If you work for the Host Club, I'll give you 10% off." I looked at all the people in my hospital room. Spend more time with them than absolutely necessary?

"Uh, no. No thanks."

"Okay. Your debt comes too…" I held my breath as he paused and looked down at his notebook. Time seemed to slow down as he said a few words that made my heart stop being. That much yen? For a teapot? I really was going to need that 10%.

"Fine, fine. I'll work for the host club." Ootori smiled and it sent shivers down my spine. Shark's grin much?

"You have several options. You can dress like a boy and act as a host the way Haruhi does, although that might be harder for you…" I looked over to see Haruhi shaking her head, trying to tell me no. "Or you could perhaps be the first female host…"

"Neither will work. If you didn't notice before, I'm not exactly a friendly person." I said frankly. "And the kind of people your "club" attracts are very annoying."

"Okay. We could use someone to clean, set up the furniture, and help out with the more physical parts of the club."

"What would my wages be?" He told me and I deducted 10% off the sum and divided it by the number of days I could work after school. Monday and Tuesday I went to the dojo, and the other days I either visited with Ryou's gang or ran errands at my uncle's work. I could always do that after the Host Club, though. With the days I had free I figured it would take roughly 10 months to pay off the debt.

"I guess this is the best I can do."

"If you change your mind about being a host, there will be a 25% increase in wages." Ootori said.

"Fat chance. I don't want to spend any more time with your crazy club than I absolutely have to."

"I think it's time we left." Ootori said, and got out of the chair he'd been sitting in. They all left, after pulling Souh out of the closet. I watched them leave and then remembered my plan. I grabbed the IV stand, and left the room to find a nurse. Instead I bumped into Takashi again. I looked up to see Shorty on Takashi's shoulders.

"Uh, hi." I said.

"Clara-chan! Did you see my bunny?" I frowned.

"No. I'm on my way to find a nurse to get this out, but you can check the room." I held out my arm and pointed to the IV, and was surprised to see Takashi grab my hand. He pulled the IV out so quickly that I barely had time for my brain to register what he was doing.

"Thanks…" I said.

"Will you help us look for Usa-chan?" The short guy asked.

"I still have to tell the hospital I'm leaving… I said, rubbing the area where a needle had been in my skin only a few seconds ago.

"Wahh! Usa-chan's lost forever!" Wailed the short blonde.

"Mitsukini." Takashi said. The short guy stopped crying.

"I guess I can help." I sighed. These two didn't seen as bad as the others… well, Haruhi did seem to be the most normal, but Takashi ran a close second. Although he really could be just as weird, it was hard to tell because he never spoke!

"Yay! Clara-chan is gonna help!" Mitsukini said. He climbed off Takashi and threw himself at me. I looked at him blankly and ended up getting knocked over.

"Sorry Clara-chan!" He said.

"It's okay… Mitsukini-senpai."

"Call me Honey!"

"Okay… Honey-senpai." As he smiled innocently at me I had a feeling that my life would never be the same again.

**A/N: STOP RIGHT THERE!**

**You, yes YOU! Review, please, and especially if you're gonna favorite. I take it as a compliment either way but reviews are really what make me smile. And, I need feedback. Otherwise I wouldn't be posting this. I want to know what you like, what you don't like, and what pairing I should drive this toward. I'm leaning towards Kyoya/Clarissa/OC love triangle sorta thing, but I wouldn't mind swinging it to a Mori/Clarissa/OC or Kyoya/Clarissa/Mori type of thing.**

**IF YOU REVIEW, IT COULD AFFECT MY WHOLE DECISION ON THIS!**


	4. Four: Shopping, a Date, & the Host Club

**A/N: No words can describe the smile on my face as I saw I had gotten more reviews than ever before in only a few days, except for "really, really big." An equally big thank you to all! And before I continue to the disclaimer, I believe I may need to clarify a few things I forgot to mention before.**

**One, this is based on the anime, except for one area. It was also written in a month where I had very little internet access, so I wrote from memory, and my memory's not very good. So please, point out any mistakes you see me making and I will try to correct them.**

**Two, although this is listed as humor/romance, I want to focus mainly on the humor. I've been putting off the romance, so now I have to choose before I can continue and I'd like more input on that.**

**Three, this chapter has a lot of description in it because I was bored and had nothing better to do than describe uncomfortable-sounding clothes. You've been warned.**

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**Don't own Ouran! Never have, never will! And do I really need a recap after that last chapter?**

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"So, Yuka, do you want to go shopping with us tomorrow?" Sakura asked. I looked sideways at her.

"What time?"

"After you get out of school."

"I can't… I have to go to work…" I said. It was two weeks after my first day working for the Host Club.

"Aw," She pouted. "Keiko and I really need new clothes."

"I don't especially like clothes shopping anyway." I said.

"Eh? What's this, Sakura? Are you going to take Keiko-chan and Yuka-chan shopping?" Ryou said.

"Mm. For our double date. But Yuka can't come, she has to go to work." Ryou looked at me oddly, he knew I only went to the dojo on Mondays and Tuesdays.

"Wait until she comes back, and take her shopping. We'll make it a triple date. Make sure she wears something nice." I groaned but it couldn't be helped; I didn't hang out with Sakura half as much as I wanted to and Ryou would pester me until I agreed.

"Fine…" I said, not catching the devious eye Ryou was giving Ken.

|!|!|!|!|

I finished stacking the last of the chairs and went to work on the tables. Every once in awhile I would hear the clickety-clack of Ootori's fingers typing. Ootori was the only one left, all the hosts had gone. As I grabbed teapots and cups and stacked them up on trays I thought about who Ryou would set me up with this time.

He had always wanted me to join his gang but I preferred to stay on the good side of the law. Apparently, he figured if he can't have me in his gang he could at least have me date one of his gang members, and thus by extension, be part of the gang. Ken had always been his favorite choice.

"You seem to be in a hurry. Plans?" I heard Ootori ask. I turned to him. He had changed out of his costume, a character from a video game or so I'd overheard some of the girls saying.

"Uh, yeah, why?"

"Just be careful with the china." I scowled and went back to work. After awhile Ootori finished whatever he was doing and left. By that time I had finished clearing the tables and was stacking them. All that was left was to sweep the floor, remove the vinyl, stick-on illustrations that were on the windows to give the illusion that you were looking out into a desert, and gather up the miscellaneous Arabian stuff scattered throughout the room. I decided to do that first and settled in the different costumes. The music room was huge and had it's own changing area and closet, for reasons that escaped me. I picked up different turbans and other such clothes and put them away, before getting the cosplay swords. I was about to put them in the closet too when I heard footsteps from behind me.

"Forget something, Ootori?" I asked and turned around to see… not Ootori.

"Hello. I don't think we've met." He said. I stared.

"Where did you come from?"

"Is that important?"

"Yeah, duh!"

"There." He pointed to a door I hadn't noticed before. I glanced back at the hooded stranger.

"Is you're here to request a host, the club is closed." I said.

"No… I'm here to see you." He said.

"I don't know you. Go away, creep."

"I came to see if you wanted to join… the Black Magic Club! Belzenef, the demonic cat-puppet, senses a great darkness in you."

"What the bloody- No. No. Get out of here. Shoo!" I placed my arms on his shoulders, spun him around, and pushed him towards the door he said he came in. I almost had him through when he caught the doorframe with his hand and turned his head to me.

"If you change your mind, just ask for Nekozawa." He said, and disappeared into the door. I blinked, shook my head, and went back to work.

Once I was done I used the changing room to change into cargo pants and a tank top, then stuffed the black skinny jeans and blue sweatshirt I used as a uniform into my bag. I was ready to go!

I got on my motorcycle and drove to the mall we agreed to meet at. I found Sakura and Keiko waiting for me outside on one of the benches.

"Yuka! About time you got here. While you were gone Keiko and I got our nails done." She held out her hands and I glanced down at them. Keiko, a pretty girl shorter than Sakura and I, had chosen purple and gotten a French manicure with purple flower detail. Sakura's nails matched her hair, and sparkled with glitter and rhinestones.

"Very nice. Sorry I'm late, the, er, boss was hanging around and watching me like a hawk." I said.

"It's okay." Keiko said as Sakura laughed.

"Sounds like someone has a crush on our Yuka-chan!"

"Hey!" I protested, horrified at the thought. "Believe me, this cold son of a… ahem, I mean… he doesn't have heart."

"That bad, huh?" Sakura said, quickly switching sides.

"Mm." I nodded my head and she smiled.

"Well, nothing like a little shopping to cheer you up!" She hooked her elbow between mine and so did Keiko. "Now to find you the perfect outfit for your date!" They pulled me enthusiastically into the mall and I let them. Maybe a little shopping wouldn't hurt.

|!|!|!|!|

"What do you think about this one?" Keiko said, bringing me out of my zoned-out state as she held up a black dress with a leather belt fastened onto it. A metal chain circled the belt, giving it a rocker type of look.

"Uh, I guess…" I said. They had already chosen what color dress they wanted but they were trying to find something for me. Black and blue were their top choices, and I already had a pair of black stilettos from a previous shopping trip with Sakura, so I had sided with that but Sakura insisted blue would bring out my eyes better than black.

"Ooh, Sakura-chan, what if her dress was red and black?" Keiko asked.

"Blood red, like her hair?" Sakura asked.

"Mm! Look at this one." Keiko held out a dress with off-the-shoulder sleeves and Sakura was stunned long enough for me to agree with Keiko.

"I like that one. It feels right." I said, saying the words Sakura wouldn't argue with. And the dress was pretty: plain black with red lace on its hems and a red ribbon going down the front in a criss-cross style. I liked it, but I probably wouldn't wear it more than once. I'd just send it to my sister as a birthday present. It pained me to think of how I couldn't go home because school was still in session. At least I'd be home for my mother's birthday and my parent's anniversary.

"Alright. Next is our dresses!" Keiko said. They each found several that they just couldn't choose from so they took them to the fitting room. They showed me each one and I rated them with stars for the hour-and-a-half it took them to choose. Finally, Sakura chose a spaghetti-strap metallic-silver dress, and Keiko chose a silky and loose off-the-shoulder toga dress in a shade of purple. All of our dresses were above the knees so they classified as semi-formal and all of them were on the clearance rack, so we weren't spending too much money. And mine, thankfully, was very, very cheap. It must have gone out of style ages ago.

"Now for shoes!" Keiko and Sakura squealed.

"I already have shoes. I'll go get a manicure while you find shoes." I said.

"Okay!" They said and practically bolted to the shoe store. I never would understand the obsession with shoes those two girls had, but I guess they wouldn't understand my need to buy mugs with pandas on them either.

This would be my second manicure, thanks to Sakura. I described to the employee what I wanted and she painted my nails the exact red of my hair and of the trim on my dress, than added a thin vein of black on top that looked like lace. While she worked I calculated how much I was spending, the chances of Ryou choosing either Ken or Ichigo, and how much longer the shopping trip was going to take. Finally, my nails were dry and I had reached a decision. I wasn't going to spend too much if I convinced Sakura and Keiko I didn't need a purse and steered clear from all but clothing stores, there was a 73.8% chance of Ryou choosing Ken, and the trip shouldn't take longer than two more hours.

"There you are, Yuka! Sakura is having problems deciding again and she wants you to help." Keiko said as I walked in the shoe store. I saw Sakura holding two pairs of silver stilettos and scrutinized each carefully. One was studded with rhinestones, but it had thin straps that looked like they would dig into your feet. The other was metallic and had more material to it, so I pointed to that one.

"This one. It would match your dress better." I said, knowing Sakura wouldn't understand the comfort issue.

"Oh, Sakura, if you get those, you can wear fishnets!" Keiko said.

"Oh, yeah! And I have a pair of nice fishnets at home! But show Yuka your shoes that you're getting."

"Here, Yuka, what do you think?" She showed me a pair of shiny, purple leather sandals and I nodded my head. They seemed fine. Keiko took it as much more enthusiastic a response and started chattering on about how they would give her whole look a touch of classic Greek mythology, etc… while I zoned out.

"I already have a bag that will match this dress perfectly at home." Sakura said. "But you girls need one."

"No, I don't really carry purses." I said.

"Oh, but I need one." Keiko said. "Maybe that gold one in the display window? It's cheaper than the others."

"Yeah! Get that one!" Sakura cheered her on. "You've been frugal this whole time. Splurge a little!" I started making a list of things they were going to want to check out. We already had the basics, next was make-up, hair, and jewelry. I decided that I would buy an eyeliner and lipstick to satisfy make-up insistent Sakura, get a black lace headband and choker, and maybe a drop pendant and matching earrings, depending on the options and prices. The rest was up to Keiko and Sakura; I'd had enough of shopping!

|!|!|!|!|

I waved good-bye to them and climbed on my motorcycle. My bags were tied down behind me and the loose plastic made flapping noises as it vibrated in the wind. Once I got to my apartment I parked, untied my bags, and carried them upstairs. I made a mental note that tomorrow I was going to spend more time with my uncle's family because I had been so busy lately with my new "job".

First I did my make-up, trying my best with fingers that were used to watercolors and pencils, not make-up. I managed not to make myself look like I had a bruise covering half my face, and I even felt pretty good about how it turned out. I put in my new teardrop earrings, necklace and choker, and brushed my hair before securing it with the headband. Then I started getting dressed.

We were meeting at a restaurant not to far from my apartment. It was one of the nicer places to eat, a small chain limited to this area of the country. It was a nice place that wasn't as expensive as, say, a five-star restaurant, but it made food almost as good. Since it was close, I walked there, covering my fancy dress with a long gray coat and wearing sunglasses.

When I got there, everyone else was waiting. All I could see was the back of the guys' heads. Keiko and Sakura were sitting across from them and smiled as I came in. Keiko looked pretty, in her purple one-shoulder dress, but Sakura was blinding. She was tall, and had a natural beauty the she enhanced with make-up the way a pro does. Her dyed-silver hair was only a shade lighter than her metallic dress, and her eyebrow piercing did not deter her beauty the way it would on most people. Ryou was a lucky guy.

I took off my coat and slid into the booth next to Sakura. I saw my date was Ken, and smiled. Since he had confessed on the first date Ryou set us up with that he liked a girl at the place he went to for lunch, he was safe. Ichigo, on the other hand, was single and had a thing for redheads.

I could feel the eyes of the other customers on us. I was taller than some of the guys here, especially with my stiletto heels, and I was with a rather ostentatious crowd. The beautiful Sakura and the lovely Keiko who looked the most like an average person and not a delinquent caught a lot of stares, as did I with my stand-out red hair. The girls in the restaurant ogled all of the guys: Ryou, Ken, and Keiko's date: Tetsuya. Tetsuya was only half-Japanese like me and had the mustache and accent of someone of Spanish descent. He was really quite handsome, as was Ryou, whose multiple piercings, dyed-blonde tips, and constant leather jacket gave him a bad-boy look. Ken appeared to be the sensitive one; he had no hair dye or piercings and was dressed up in a casual sort of way. And Tetsuya wore a loose tie and unbuttoned shirt to give a sort of rumpled look. They each had different styles but each appealed to a different girl and I could already hear whispering from behind me.

"Yuka-chan, you look amazing, doesn't she, Ken?" Ryou said, attempting to get Ken to compliment me. Ken glanced up, smiled as he recognized Ryou's tactic, and played along.

"Yes. Yes she does." He grinned and I thought I heard a swoon from behind me. Ryou was satisfied and turned back to Sakura, complimenting her on her outfit. Tetsuya was making absurd comments about sharing dessert to Keiko, who smiled and twisted her hair in a shy flirting act of her own. It was a relief to avoid all of that with Ken, and I struck up a conversation with him about what motor he was currently working on.

We had ordered our food and I was beginning to enjoy myself when I caught sight of a blonde head from the corner of my eye. I scanned the crowd until I found the tall teenager, in a crowd consisting of two brunettes, two redheaded twins, and a short guy with an unmistakable stuffed bunny. As the seating hostess steered them towards our section, I felt the color drain from my face.

Under my breath, so no one but Ken noticed, I whispered "No. No, this isn't happening. NO NO NO!"

**A/N: Ooh... it's a cliffie. Well, not really. Dramatic question time! What will happen? Why is the host club there? How will they react to Ryou, Sakura, Ken, Keiko, and Tetsuya? Am I gonna get any reviews? We can only wait and see. 'Til next time!**

**(I'm not really gone. Don't the girls' clothes sound ridiculous? And I'm still curious as to who your favorite host is. One reviewer said their's was Takashi. He was pretty cool, but I'm torn between Honey and Kyoya. On the one hand, evil. On the other hand, cutness. And cake. But a smarter-than-you-think, secretly-scheming Honey trumps all. Now I'm done. G'bye!)**


	5. Five: Dinner With Mobsters

**A/N: Sorry for not updating. I've been 'under the weather' these past few days. However, here is a chapter. But before you read, I must once again clarify. Who do you think Clarissa should ultimately end up with? In OC/Clarissa/Kyoya or Mori, the host does not end up with her. In Clarissa/Mori/Kyoya, Kyoya will not end up with her. That was my plan. But I'm open to change, but it's kind of important because I have a chapter that definitely points to Kyoya/Clarissa and another one that has potential for Mori/Clarissa. So click the review and tell me! And thanks for the reviews and favorites and story alerts and what-nots!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own OHSCH. And this is off subject, but have you ever heard of MLIA? Freaking awesome. I don't own that either though... :( Read on for recap.**

_We had ordered our food and I was beginning to enjoy myself when I caught sight of a blonde head from the corner of my eye. I scanned the crowd until I found the tall teenager, in a crowd consisting of two brunettes, two redheaded twins, and a short guy with an unmistakable stuffed bunny. As the seating hostess steered them towards our section, I felt the color drain from my face._

|!|!|!|!|

Under my breath, so no one but Ken noticed, I whispered "No. No, this isn't happening. NO NO NO!" I slammed my head into the table, attracting the attention of the others.

"Is something wrong, Yuka?" Sakura asked.

"Yes, no. Maybe. Yes. But it doesn't matter, just –oh shoot! Oh shoot, oh shoot, oh shoot! Hide me!" I dove towards Sakura and hid my face from the group sitting at the table across from us. Why oh why did I have to be the one sitting at the end? And what were these creeps even doing here?

"Now, remember." I heard Souh say in a conspiratorial, but very loud, voice to the twins. "We can't complain about the food, the service, or the atmosphere. We don't want Haruhi to feel bad. This… _restaurant_ will probably be the finest dining experience she'll ever have!"

"Yes sir!" The twins said. I peeked from under the table to see the twins saluting Souh just as a familiar looking girl entered the restaurant. It took me a few seconds, but I recognized Haruhi. This was my first time seeing her in a dress, and no one could mistake her for a boy in that getup.

"Hey, sorry I'm late, but my dad caught me and made me change into this." She held up the lacy, light pink dress as if it were a potato sack. I glanced up to see Souh and the twins' mouths hanging open, while Ootori smiled knowingly. Creep.

"Yuka, do you know these people?" Ryou asked.

"No! That is, ah, I mean…"

"Are they from your… _school_?" He asked, smiling in the exact way Kyoya was. Thankfully, he said school in English, so Keiko and Tetsuya, the only people I would be hesitant to trust, wouldn't understand. Ken and Sakura didn't catch what he said either.

"Ah…" He saw from my nervous expression that it was true.

"Hey, look at that bunch of delinquents over there." I heard one of the twins remarking nonchalantly. As Ryou stood, their expressions went from bored to a sort of delightedly-sneaky. You could never tell with those two.

"Hey! Are you guys friends with Yuka-chan!" My head shot up as I remembered that no one but Ootori knew of my alias.

"Ah… I mean, hi guys!" I said, blushing. I tried to smile, but it was shaky. I was afraid to open my eyes, but I did, to see blank stares and confused looks. Even from Ootori. "Fancy meeting you here…" I said lamely, tugging on Ryou's sleeve to sit down.

"Oh, you mean Clar-" Honey almost said, but Takashi covered his mouth and whispered something in his ear. Honey's eyes widened then stared at me in a way that made me feel kind of guilty, even though I hadn't done anything wrong and it was a random feeling to have.

"Yes, Yuka. We know Yuka." Ootori said. He had recovered milliseconds before Mori and Honey, and the twins were next. I saw them staring at each other, using only their eyes to no doubt deliver telepathic plotting of my doom. Souh and Haruhi were still tilting their heads as confused as ever.

With a sigh, Haruhi looked back down at the table. "Yeah. It's nice to see you… Yuka-chan." She said. I deduced that she must have decided to ignore it and get through the night.

"Kyoya… Daddy needs to speak with Mommy in private." Souh finally said. As Ootori got out of his seat and followed Souh to the other side of the restaurant I sent him a glare.

"Well, don't be shy, what are your names!" Ryou said. "I'm Ryou, this is my girl, the gorgeous Sakura. This here's my best friend, Ken; he's Yuka's date. And this lovely couple is Keiko and Tetsuya."

"Oh, nice to meet you. I'm Haruhi. This is Hikaru and Koaru." She pointed to each of the twins, not even pausing to tell them apart. "Honey and Mori. Kyoya and Tamaki are over there."

"Tamaki-kun is the idiot." The twins said just as he came back.

"Hey! I am not!" He was about to hit the twins on the head when the waitress came around.

"May… may I take you order?" She asked, eyes darting around in confusion. She hadn't missed the fact that there were a bunch of good-looking youths all interacting with each other on this side of the restaurant, and neither had the customers or other employees. If any of the hosts started pulling their usual tricks I'd have to deal with the fainting that occurred regularly at the club.

"Hey, you're our waitress from before. Don't bring out our food until theirs' is done. And is it okay with you if we push their table over here so it's connected with ours' after you take their order?"

"Uh… okay. And yes, yes, that's fine." Eri, as her nametag read, stammered. The other table gave them their orders and then Ryou, Ken, and Tatsuya got up to push the table together. Ootori ended up sitting next to me, and the twins were on the other side of the table to they were next to Ken. Much as I pitied him, I'd trade him in a heartbeat. When the waitress brought our drinks, I gulped my water down as if it would chase away the inevitable headache.

"So, Yuka-chan, I didn't take you for someone who enjoys shopping."

"EH!" I said, not quite as loudly as I wanted because my last long chug of water had drained me of breath and the icy cold was numbing my throat.

"You forgot to remove the price tag on your dress and the fact that your nails, as well as the nails of the other girls, match your clothes is a dead give-away."

"Oh." I said, feeling a little dizzy. "I don't. Shopping, I mean. I don't enjoy it. Only for pandas and dragons." I immediately felt like an idiot, but who cared?

"I see." Ootori said, although he clearly didn't. I was comforted by the fact he had neither laptop nor notebook with him so he couldn't be writing all this down to update the profile on me that I theorized he had for everyone. How else could he know so much and what else would he constantly be writing down?

"Did you get a good grade on the science homework I helped you with?" I frowned at the memory. I didn't want Ootori to know where I live so we had met at a park. Worst. Idea. Ever.

"I passed, and I'm still in the average of the class, if that's what you mean." He shook his head disapprovingly and I seethed. No doubt he was thinking 'She must be really helpless if not even my tutoring can get her ahead.'

"Is that Robert Frost?" He suddenly asked. I blinked. "On your shoulder. Your tattoo. That's his poem, isn't it?" I gently touched my shoulder where the first verse of the first poem I'd ever read and had read to me, my mother's favorite, was preserved forever in delicate script.

"Yes. From the Wind and Window Flower." I said quietly, still wondering how he knew.

"He's a very good poet." He said. I agreed. Suddenly the conversation seemed a bit awkward and I looked away, only to overhear the twins talking –interrogating- Ken.

"So, Ken-san, what exactly are your intentions for Yuka-chan?" They asked. I could feel the heat from Ken's blush from across the table.

"Ah, well, I like her as a friend and all…" He stammered. The twins smiled in pity, almost, and looked straight at me.

"But she's your date, isn't she?" They were asking me, although they worded it to Ken. I turned back to Ootori and pretended I hadn't heard the twins, hoping Ken would answer them, because I didn't know how.

"Well, yeah, but Ryou is the one who set us up. Yuka and I aren't interested in each other, but Ryou persists." I smiled, pleased with Ken. Ootori caught the smile.

"You and Ken have taken up each other's confidences." He stated.

"Mm. It's useful to have a friend like Ken."

"Useful…" He murmured, so low I didn't quite catch it at first. I don't think he meant to say it, and was simply musing out loud.

"Here's your dinner. Can I get you anything else?" The waitress, Eri, asked Ootori. For me, she simply set the plate down. I smirked, as all the other guys were getting the same and worse treatment from the waitresses that had helped carry all the food out. Sakura and Keiko pointedly ignored it, and Haruhi didn't catch it. Well, all the guys except Honey. He was getting a different sort of attention.

"Are you sure you can eat all that cake?" A different waitress asked; fooled by his cute little kid looks.

"Mm! I love cake, and so does Usa-chan!" He pointed proudly to the separate seat for his pink stuffed animal. The waitress smiled, patted him on the head, and left. How people found this behavior acceptable and even pleasing, I would never know.

After they were done eating, Keiko and Tetsuya left together to get a drink. Everyone else stayed for dessert. I debated between which fruit smoothie I wanted while trying to ignore whatever it was the twins were doing that was causing the sound of swooning from behind me. When Eri asked what we wanted, she took so long with Ootori's simple order of two scoops of vanilla ice cream that he got frustrated and asked for a different waitress. The next time she repeated the order back to him, she got it right. When it was my turn to order, I got a very grumpy Eri who was _not_ willing to ask the kitchen staff if they could leave out the blueberry in the tropical smoothie.

"But, blueberries aren't even tropical! I really don't like their taste. Can't you just ask?" I said for the third time.

"Ma'am." She sighed dramatically. "What I keep on telling you is that what's listed on the menu is the ingredients." I was about to point out this had nothing to do with asking the chef to leave blueberries out of my smoothie when Ootori butted in.

"Yuka-chan, forget it. You can share my dessert." I blinked at him, as he gave me an earnest look.

"Let's just see about those blueberries, then." Eri said between her teeth. I whipped my head from her back around to Ootori, who smiled.

"Did you just… manipulate her?" I asked, although it was a question that I already knew the answer to. I stared solemnly at the table, more freaked out than ever. After a few minutes wait, dessert came. Ken got a phone call halfway through from his sister, who needed a ride home from somewhere. He gulped down the rest of his dessert and left.

"Well, if Ken-kun is leaving, we wouldn't want to spoil your time with your friends." Ryou said. "Maybe Sakura and I will join Keiko-chan and Tetsuya-kun and grab a drink or two."

"But, Ken is my date. I really should go too, my uncle will be worried."

Ryou glanced at his watch. "Yuka, it's not late. Have fun with your friends." Sometimes I really envied the others' seniority. I could've really used a drink right then.

"So, Ryou, once we catch up to Keiko-chan and Tetsuya-san, why not go see a movie?" Ryou grinned, leaned over from his standing position, and kissed Sakura before helping her out of the booth.

"It's a date. Can you guys take care of the table?" He said.

"Oh, yeah." Souh said. He'd been pretty quiet tonight. "Have a good time."

"Yeah! Bye, guys! Bye Haruhi! Bye Yuka-chan!" Ryou called as he escorted Sakura out of the building with his hand low on her back. She waved as they crossed the street and took off in Ryou's pimped-out ride.

"So, Clarissa, I assume these were your friends." Ootori said. I tore my eyes off the couple and turned to see the Host Club staring at me, waiting for answers.

"Um, yeah. Ryou-kun, Ken-kun, and Sakura-chan are my friends. I don't really know Keiko or Tetsuya that well." I said, trying to act casual about it.

"Were they mobsters?" Honey asked. I tried not to choke from laughter.

"Ask Ooto- I mean, Kyoya-san." Ootori pushed his glasses up as the Host Club swiveled their heads toward him and I tried to make my escape. Unsuccessfully.

"Sit." Takashi said, his hand holding me from leaving. I had been so close too! I turned around, brushed my now-uncomfortably-short dress down and reclaimed my seat.

"Okay, so, I work at a dojo Mondays and Tuesdays. That's where I met Ryou. My sensei's cousin's son is in Ryou's gang, under the alias of Ichigo. Ryou sometimes asks Ichigo to ask my sensei if they can borrow some of his practice weaponry, so Ichigo and the others who know how to use them can train the ones who don't. Ryou was returning some of the weaponry when he saw me sparring with another student. He was very impressed and later followed me and asked me to join his gang."

I heard gasps from the others. They had, of course, jumped to the conclusion. "I didn't join, duh!" I said, to the visible relief of everyone but Takashi and Ootori. Takashi because he showed no emotion, Ootori because he probably already knew.

"Anyway, Ryou invited me over to his hangout to see if I would change my mind. I told him no way in… I said no. Absolutely not. Then he started stalking me and I pretended I didn't notice until the one day that he followed me to Ouran. I was outside, studying, and caught him. I beat him up until he promised not to stalk me, if I would just meet his friend. So I agreed and he introduced me to Ken.

"Ken told me all about how Ryou was trying to get more members for his gang and train them all so they could kick other gangs' butts, and asked me if I would consider teaching a few off the members in a public park. I agreed and I spent about two months getting to know Ryou and Ken, and I met Sakura, and they're not that bad… not bad at all. Ryou can be tough but he has some code of chivalry for ladies. Ken is the least likely person you'd meet in a gang and he's really sweet. Fixed my motorcycle a few times. All the other guys know not to mess with me because I can pretty much beat them up, and even if I couldn't, Ryou would get to them. And Ryou taught me how to street fight and Ken's been trying to show me more about engines and stuff… I have a knack for putting things together in a way they're not supposed to go.

"I used the name "Yuka" when I started teaching the gang. All of them have aliases, it's a way of deterring spies and creepers and other such people. Only Ryou knows my real name, and although Ken knows the neighborhood of my school, only Ryou knows I go to Ouran. Ken and Ryou know each others' real names, but they never told me. They've been friends for forever, I think. It seems like I've known them for forever. But I really only started hanging out with the gang two months ago."

"Interesting." Ootori said.

"Yeah, I know. So, can I go? Wouldn't want to spoil your evening." I got up and grabbed my coat and sunglasses.

"I think," Souh said, pushing back his seat. "It's a little late for that."

"Pardon?" I asked. He walked towards me and I saw that his face was, for once, dead serious.

"Clarissa, do you know what kind of people you're dealing with?" He asked, grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me.

"I thought I made it clear that I did when I told you my story. I know more about them then I know about you, and right now, I don't want a perfect stranger grabbing my bare shoulders." I said, and Souh immediately let go, turning an interesting shade of red. I went to leave when I felt someone grab my hand.

"Clara-chan, Tama-chan doesn't want you to get hurt. He's protecting you." Honey said, staring at me with his big, brown eyes.

"That's right. To think that a young lady such as yourself is putting herself in such a position! Clarissa. You must stop hanging around with those delinquents." Souh said, pulling his shattered-self together to deliver a final lecture that sounded awfully familiar.

__

"You must stop hanging out with those delinquents!"

"You… are not… my brother." I said, chasing back the memory that had popped up back to its dark corner, willing it to stop ringing in my head and haunting me.

"Clarissa? Are you okay?" Haruhi asked. I shook my head.

"Leave me alone!" I said, and ran out of the restaurant.

**A/N: And so it is revealed that Clarissa has a dark past... pffffffft. Anyway, typing those -chans, -sans, and -kuns is driving me crazy. And yet I feel obligated, somehow. Meh, review, please. I'm sick, and not getting a lot of sympathy, so reviews would make me smile? PLEASE? And also, should I perhaps label this chapter as Tamaki-bashing? I mean, Clarissa calls him idiot and stuff but... he kind of is... DON'T HURT ME! I love Tamaki! He's just not... the sharpest tool in the shed.**

**Review?**


	6. Six: Hostess? How?

**A/N: Sorry for late update! I'm inconsistant... and I think I was sick 7/8 of the month. I hate February. 4 times sick, I say, 4 times... I couldn't even get myself to post somethimg lovey-dovey like a one-shot for SAD/V-day. My doctor probably thinks I go around licking the floor of public bathrooms in my free time...**

**Anyway, I'm not one of the people that does this, but I need reviews before I can post the next chapter. I want to know who you would like to see end up with Clarissa. Your choices are Mori, Kyoya, or an OC. No chapter until I get the requested reviews... maybe around ten would be good but whenever I update I update so if you were hoping to see Clarissa with someone but didn't review with your vote... too bad. The next chapter contains potential and I might have to edit it depending on what everyone says. I'm not trying to be mean, it's just impossible for me to continue without getting to the romance part of this fanfic.**

**A big thank you to my reviewers! And as for Clarissa being a Mary-Sue, well, you can call her what you want. She doesn't have a sad background (an overprotective brother does not count.), the whole school hasn't confessed their love to her, she isn't wildly rich, she isn't a copy of Haruhi, she isn't related to anyone, her friends are prettier than her, not everyone thinks kindly of her, she's smart but not that smart and it tends to surprise people when they hear that, she isn't a kick-butt martial artist (maybe worthy of Honey or Mori's teaching, but never at their level), and she makes quite the truckload of mistakes. If she's the perfect character, the hosts are in a ton of trouble.**

**Sorry for my rant, but after this, any further comments about Clarissa's Mary-Sue-ness can be ignored. That being said, I have pulled a cliche today! The whole 'hostess' thing has always fascinated me and I wondered what kind of people that would attract... and how Clarissa would handle it. And also, because said hostesses tend to get on some people's nerves (and the poorly written ones annoy me too and I don't want my fic to permanatly have that label) this and the next chapter are about all the hostess your gonna get... sorry for hostess club fans but I don't feel like writing one of those!**

**Disclaimer: Clarissa and a few OCs featured in here are all I own.**

"You weren't at the Host Club today." Ootori said. "I'm fining you 50% of that day's wages for not notifying someone."

"One: You'd think the whole scene at the restaurant would be a good enough hint for someone as smart as you that I didn't feel like being anywhere near Souh. Two: I wasn't even at school. I tripped last night while walking home and sprained my ankle. So I can't work for I don't know how long. Three: How in bloody blue blazes did you get this number!"

"Are you fond of giving rants in list form?"

"Quite. Answer the bloody question, Ootori."

"Off of Ouran's student database, Clarissa. Unlike some of your more shady friends, I am not a stalker." I stared at the phone, astonished, and hung up on him.

|!|!|!|!|

"CJ, are you okay?" My eight-year-old cousin asked as soon as he was in the door.

"Mm. I'm fine, Akiko, it's just a sprained ankle." I called from the bedroom where I was lounging on the bed. Akiko ran in and leaped onto the bed.

"Hello, Clara. Hideki will buy the crutches you wanted on his way back from work." My aunt said from the kitchen.

"Okay. Come on in, Auntie!" I called. She opened the door carrying a box of ramen.

"For you and Akiko. I figured since it's easy he can make it."

"Oh, thanks, Auntie."

"It's no problem. I have to go grocery shopping. Would you mind entertaining Akiko?"

"Not at all. Have fun!" I said. She leaned over to hug me and then gave Akiko a hug and left.

"CJ, I brought my DS." Akiko said.

"That's awesome!" He pulled it out from out of his pocket and grinned happily. "Where's yours?" I told him and he went to go fetch it. When he returned we spent an hour and a half playing our favorite game together until Akiko wanted lunch.

"You know how to make ramen, right?" I asked him.

"Mm! Just tell me where the pot and the oven mitts are." I let him take care of that while I managed to hop on one foot to the TV. There I started unplugging the wires, then placing it on a roll-away flower pot holder, got it into the bedroom, leaving my pot of sweetpeas in the sunlight.

"What are you doing?" Akiko asked.

"Oh, right about now, Death Note is playing." I said. "Ever watch it?"

"No."

"Well, it's about time you have!" I said, still hopping around on one foot.

"Are you sure you can do that, CJ? Maybe you should go back to bed and let me take care of it."

"I can do it. Why does everyone think I can't handle myself?"

"I'm just trying to help." I heard Akiko mutter.

"Sorry, Akiko. It's just… there are a few people at school who are giving me a hard time. They don't like my friends, because they don't know them, so they don't trust them. And they want to control me. They think I can't be with my friends because they don't trust them." I said, trying to explain without giving too much away.

"It's alright, CJ, go ahead and do whatever you were going to do with the TV." Akiko said. I smiled and went back to plugging in the wires as he carried in two cups of steaming ramen.

|!|!|!|!|

I took a deep breath. Don't hit anyone. Don't hit anyone. Don't hit anyone. _HAD THESE PEOPLE NEVER SEEN A PAIR OF CRUTCHES BEFORE!_

"Will… not… hit…" I muttered. As I worked my way through the crowd, silver bag slung over my shoulder, I came to the stairs. Ah, a new challenge. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a hair band I used to tie back my red tangles. Then, I slung my left crutch over my shoulder on the strap I'd fastened to it so it laid the opposite way of my bag. Ready to rock 'n' roll! I tightened my grip on the crutches and met the new challenge with fierce determination. I raised the crutch of my right hand, placed it on the step, and hopped with my left foot. My balance was a little off because although the crutch increased my clumsiness, my bag was heavier. But I had made it up a step. One down, a hundred to go.

By the time I reached the landing, I had attracted quite an audience. When I finally put my foot down on the top of the stairs, I heard clapping. I turned to see them all applauding and cheering. I attempted a bow, balancing on one foot and one crutch, imitating a flourish to the best of my abilities. A drop of sweat fell to the carpet as I laughed at this odd turn of events. I straightened myself out and looked up at the second flight of stairs. I would do it in half the time, I decided, thrusting out my jaw at the now-seemingly-shrinking steps.

|!|!|!|!|

"Clarissa… what are you doing here?" I heard Ootori ask. I turned to see him shocked, an emotion the cold bas- the evil boy had never shown.

"I came to work."

"You're supposed to be at home." He said.

"Mm. But I got crutches!" I held one up to show him, almost hitting him in the head.

"Kyoya-san… you're not going to make her work if she's using crutches, are you?" I heard Souh asked. I turned to see the twins, Souh, and Haruhi all staring at Ootori with accusing looks.

"What? No, she insisted on coming here in this condition." He said, for once caught off guard. I was loving this.

"He's right." I had to admit, although it would've been fun to play along. "I have a job, and I came here to do it. I'm perfectly capable of working." I felt their eyes slide down my crutches, then back up to my face with doubtful expressions. "I can handle it!" I yelled, and hop-swung away, thankful for the extra padding Akiko and I had placed on the armrests.

Akiko and I had watched two episodes of Death Note, beat his DS game, and were bored when Uncle Hideki showed up with my crutches. They were brand new and very boring but Akiko and I had the idea to customize them, and I proudly sported a sticker-covered crutch on each arm with all the amenities we could squeeze on there. I had straps, extra padding, a holder for the MP3 I didn't own and another for a cell phone that was empty for the same reason, a water bottle holder I was actually using, and a harmonica strapped to the side. Why I would need a harmonica, I didn't know, but it was reassuring to have something so blatantly out of place. Kind of how I felt in the Host Club.

Thankfully, they weren't planning on cosplay today. I walked over to where Takashi had already pulled out the tables and was arranging the chairs.

"I'm here now." I told him. He looked up at me, looked back down, and continued working. I was just about to deliver a long list-style lecture on how everyone needed to let me do what I needed to do, when something he said made me stop.

"I'll help." He said, and there was no questioning the command in his tone. I stared, aghast, for a few seconds until I managed to snap out of it and start working. Sure, I could tell him I didn't need help, but I didn't think that was about to stop him. Instead, I tried my best to do most of the work and actually managed. Takashi getting the tables and half the chairs done already helped.

It was when I got to the china that I stopped. How was I supposed to do this without breaking some and adding to my debt? I could already here the sound of far off giggles. The girls would be here soon. I looked around, trying to remain calm, when I saw a teacart. Perfect. I grabbed it, awkwardly rolled it to the closet, and moved all the china onto it. Then I crossed my fingers, took a deep breath, and pushed it back. As I passed the Host Club, sitting on two of the parallel sofas, they appeared to be having a meeting of some sort. I ignored them and set the tea sets out as quickly as I dared. Then I put the cart back where it was, hopped over to the closet, and pulled out the bigger pot Haruhi used when she needed to pour water into the smaller teapots on each table.

As soon as I set it down, the doors opened and the rose petals that seemingly came out of nowhere fluttered into the guests' eyes. I frowned as the Host Club got up and assumed their position.

"Wel-" They were interrupted by my crossing the room.

"Don't mind me. Go back to your business." I said, hop-swinging towards the chair I usually studied in. It was fairly quiet in that corner, and well away from the Hosts' usual shenanigans.

"Ah… Chandler… san… we've been wondering, how did you hurt your ankle?" I heard a girl ask. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I wasn't sure if I wanted any of these psycho girls that fell for the crazy antics Souh called "entertaining" to know my name.

"Uh, that is… I sprained it walking home the day before yesterday."

"Oh. That's too bad." I heard them murmur. I was just about to continue on when they started talking again.

"Going up the stairs that way was very brave and strong of you." One of the girls said. "Didn't you know about the elevator?" I suddenly wanted the Earth to swallow me up.

"Ah… no." I admitted sheepishly.

"Oh, does your ankle hurt very bad?" Another girl asked. At this point I was too embarrassed about the elevator to be rude.

"Not really, unless I step on it." I said. It occurred to me that none of the girls were making a beeline for the chairs of the different Host's designated areas. They were mostly clustered around the door. I wondered what the Host Club was thinking and turned my head a little just to catch a few stunned faces. Interesting.

"My brother was very impressed by your feat." One girl said. All I could think about was that I was annoying Souh and the twins. And maybe Ootori, if I was lucky. I felt as evil as Kira. "He was wondering, since I said I saw you in the Host Club, if he could request you sometime."

"Sure… I mean, what? What did you just say?" I said, brought out of my gloating.

"Ladies, may I please have a word with Clarissa-chan?" Ootori said, pulling me carefully away. "Clarissa, the offer for becoming a host still stands. Or rather, hostess, despite the fact this feels a bit trite."

"Ootori, you must be out of your bloody mind!"

"Please hear me out. Your pay will increase; you can still do your other job. There are only benefits. Boys will be less prone to swooning." Suddenly I liked the idea of a bargain… a bargain in my favor!

"Only if there are no more attempts to control me."

"Deal. But Renge may want an interview, we reserve the right to sell photos of you to your fans, and no protests if Mori-kun wants to help you again."

"Not so fast! I also want the right to send away any guests that are… rowdy or creepy or just plain weird."

"Fine." He said. I smiled. So what if the scary girl from under the floor wanted an interview, Ootori wanted pictures, Takashi wanted to help, and I was going to be a Host…ess? I had just secured my freedom from their annoying "help".

"Oh-Hohohoho!" Renge's voice echoed throughout the room. "And so, the era of the Hostess begins!" I shut her out and made my way over to my chair while Ootori announced to the girls that I was now available for request. Phones were pulled out, thumbs were typing, texts were sent, and I managed to get all my math and half of my science homework done.

"Clara-chan, Kyoya said you can sit over there." I looked up to see Honey, pointing to a sofa and a few chairs arranged in a circle.

"Oh, thanks, Honey-senpai!" I said. I stuffed my homework in my bag and hop-swung over to the area and sat. I didn't have long to wait. The first guys came in a group of four. I recognized them from my class, but couldn't remember their names. They sat down and smiled at me.

"H-hi." The first one said. He had short, spiky black hair and hazel eyes that couldn't seem to make up their mind about what color they wanted to be, black or green-brown. Everytime I looked at him, they seemed to change again.

"Hi." I said. "I'm Clarissa." All it took was the memory of the elevator and I was too embarrassed about it to even _think_ about being rude.

They introduced themselves, but I quickly forgot their names. Now the silence became a little awkward.

"So, Clarissa-san, how did you hurt your ankle?" The third one asked. He had a reddish color of brown hair and brown eyes. If I gave them nicknames, perhaps I could keep better track of them?

"Uh, I tripped walking home a few days ago." I said. "I was wearing those shoes with the really big heel… stilettos."

"Oh." The first one said, nodding his head nervously. He could be Mouse-san. The third one looked eager and seemed more physically fit than the others… Hawk-san? The fourth was wearing round glasses and had lighter brown hair than the rest. Owl-san. And the second was unbelievable… his flawless skin was the pale color of white chocolate, his eyes a light red-brown that resembled milk chocolate, and his hair a glossy dark brown that looked like dark chocolate. Yummy-san.

"So, how about we get to know each other…" I said. "Like, um, we can go around in a circle and tell each other five things about ourselves?"

"Sounds like a good idea." Yummy-san said. "I'll start and we can go counter-clockwise. My favorite color is green because I like lizards."

"Alright! Looks like I'm next." Hawk-san said. "I have a little brother that hates me and trashed my car this morning."

"Oh, uh, me… um… I like to watch racing on the TV." Mouse-san said.

"I have a scar on one shoulder and on my hand from a knife." I said. "I like martial arts and it's one of the marks I got from when I started learning how to fight with real weapons and my training armor was faulty. It reminds me of how dangerous it is not knowing how to protect oneself."

"My favorite author died last week. My dad knew him from when they were both in college, and he was invited to his funeral. The first time I saw him was at the wake."

We went in a circle again four more times. I learned that Owl-san did not like to give out too much personal information, Hawk-san liked to complain, and Yummy-san was just plain weird. Mouse-san was more interesting than his appearance and behavior suggested. I told them about how I was half-English, Robert Frost was my favorite poet and I wanted to see the places he wrote about some day, that my favorite cousin helped decorate my crutches, and that I collected panda-printed mugs and pillows. There were _plenty_ of other things, but I didn't want them to know everything, did I?

Afterward there was an awkward silence until I asked if they wanted tea. After I poured them each a cup we had more awkward silence. I thought of a saying I had learned from surfing the net in England about awkward silences, and laughed.

"What's so funny, Clarissa-san?" Hawk-san asked.

"It's just something I thought of… never mind. Why don't we play a game? Ah, I know, let's narrate for the other Hosts! Who wants to be who? I claim Souh!" I said, turning around on the couch so I could see what the other Hosts were doing. We were far enough away from Souh, Haruhi, and the twins so we couldn't hear anything, but it was easier to hear the girls at the table for Takashi and Honey.

"Uh… okay, Kyoya." Owl-san said, choosing the dignified one.

"No, you can't choose Ootori. He's too boring. Or Takashi-senpai, unless you do thoughts." I said, since all Ootori was doing was writing.

"I want to do Mori-senpai's thoughts!" Yummy-san said.

"Then I guess I'll choose Haruhi." Owl-san said.

"The twins!" Hawk-san, already in the spirit. They got up and joined me so the couch shielded us; except for our eyes.

"Then I guess I'll, uh, be Honey." Mouse-san said. "Cake, cake. I want cake." I cracked up at his flat way of saying it and he smiled, loosening up a little.

"Ah! Souh is walking over to Haruhi! He's saying 'Haruhi! Haruhi! We're all out of commoners' instant coffee! What do we do? We're all doooooomed!' Now, Haruhi will answer back." I said.

"Tamaki. I'll just go to the store and get some. Why are you freaking out and hugging me? Get off!" Owl-san said, wrinkling his nose as Souh grabbed Haruhi so tight her face turned red. She pushed Souh off and as she dusted off her pants, the twins entered the scene.

"Oh? To the store? Why, when we have this delicious gourmet coffee right here? In fact, it's so gourmet that we're going to start hugging Haruhi and each other in a questionable way!" Hawk-san said, as the twins did that weird embrace thing they do to Haruhi.

"Ah! Let go, let go! Haruhi has to go to the store and buy us some coffee! We can't have the gourmet; instant is the only kind this Host Club will drink! Let go of Haruhi!" I said.

"Honey to the rescue! Super-bunny swinging attack! Ahh, I missed!" Mouse-san said as Honey swirled his Usa-chan around the room in circles.

"Should I sneak up behind Tamaki with that broom I'm staring so intensely at, or should I stay here? Hit Tamaki, stay here. Hit Tamaki, stay here…" I giggled, as I often thought of doing that exact thing to make Souh shut up.

"Why do I suddenly feel cold shivers of fear running down my spine?" I said as Tamaki yelled at the twins again.

"Don't ask us, why do you?" Hawk-san said, laughing as the twins yelled something right back.

"Guys, coffee, remember?" Owl-san said as Haruhi gave one of her "Oh-great-kill-me-now" faces.

"Honey to the rescue again!" Honey was making his second round about the room. "Oh, cake! Captain, plot an immediate course to that table! Om nom nom!" We all laughed so hard that for a second Takashi looked towards the couch and we all ducked.

"Staring at the broom. Staring at the broom. Staring at the wait, what? Was that laughter? No, must focus, or the broom will never turn into a pony! Staring at the broom. Staring at the broom." That was the last straw. We all cracked up Yummy-san's weird narration, because we could totally picture Takashi doing that.

"What, exactly, are you doing?"

**A/N: Hehehehehe so I wonder who _that_ could be? It's not that hard iof you use some logic and subtraction... I guess I fail at suspense after all. Meh, wasn't really trying.**

**Anyways, the computer is failing like a whale (haha wow I really should not make jokes -puns included- after eating Doritos) so the next chappie will be slow in coming. Oh well. Like I said before, I can't exactly update until I get a few reviews saying who Clarissa should end up with.**

**On that note, who does everyone like to see Haruhi with? I will seriously write anyone except Honey with her. But y'gotta tell me cause I can't mind-read. Not that I would like to anyway, because I'm sure peoples' minds are filled with a lotta stuff I'd be better off not knowing. And eventually I'd go crazy. I think mind-reading is a pretty lame-o superpower. But that is irrelevant. I digress. (is that the right word... I dunno... I think of Degrassi, a show I've never even seen, whenever someone says that word.)**

**SO REVIEW. STOP RIGHT THERE. _Click the button. DO IT!_ If you don't understand why, you need to read my author's notes... like NOW. Seriously, it's not that hard, p'sheesh (don't ask), here's a format you can use.**

_**Hey, I really _*insert feeling/emotion here*_ed your story/fanfic. Your character sounds _*insert adjective here*_. I think she should end up with _*insert host or type 'OC' here*_, and if you add _*insert host here*_, it would really be _*insert positive adjective here*_. I ship _*insert first two syllables of host's name here*_Haru, and will give you a _*insert object here. Cookies prefferred, will accept more Doritos or other foodstuffs*_ if you include them! Update soon!**_

**__*insert your username, nickname, psuedonym, penname, name, or the name of the nearest orange object here*__**

**Just fill in the ( _*thisisanexamplelol*_ ) blanks! Seriously, feel free to use, I actually would feel sad if no one used it :( because I took the time to type it. But as long as you tell me, I don't care.**

**Disclaimer: I own neither OHSHC nor Doritos...**


	7. Authors Note: Oh Noes! D:

**A/N: Is this against the rules? A whole chapter of an author's note? I don't know. I shall delete it. If I remember. As soon as I get the next chapter up.**

**I can't remember how long it's been since I updated. I have been swamped this month. Someone close to me was hospitalized, computers crashed, and I only had about half-a-dozen other writing responsibilites. And school, how I loathe it.**

**To my reviewers: I love you guys. Thanks. I swear, my face lights up like the sun when I see I have a review. And I smile so very much as I read them... it really gives me a motivation boost. I can't believe I seriously got what, 11, reviews after I posted the last chapter? THANKS A WHOLE BILLION WITH CHOCOLATE ON TOP BECAUSE SPRINKLES ARE YUCKY!**

**To those who favorite/add to story alerts: I LOVE YOU TOO!**

**And for all waiting for my update (there's probably, like, one of you who even remember this story, right?): I'm sooo sorry! I'm really trying, but I just heard some bad news about the internet and the weekend, which is when I usually update, I shall be away. Also, my family monopolizes my computer time AND free time, and I'm just lazy.**

**To those who replied and are waiting for MY reply: As soon as possible, I shall get to you.**

**THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART:**** I have counted everything, and this originally Kyoya/Clarissa with a little Mori jealousy fic is going to be Clarissa/Mori with a little OC jealousy. But, those who voted for Kyoya, I shall tell you a secret. Don't tell the Mori-voters. "I'm considering a Kyoya/Clarissa sequel. And it would be the final-est ever pairing." Also, TamaHaru is going to star! Which means I shall have to write Tamaki NOT being an idiot... which happened 20% of the time in the anime? I dunno, I was laughing too hard to pay attention.**

**So yes. I have not forgotten. I will update. I can't say when, but I will. I have not abandoned this story. Fear not.**

**For I shall have spring break soon. A short, short break, but a break nonetheless. And if the computer is cooperative, a huge update will be in order. If I have not updated by the end of April, however, one might consider that I have been kidnapped by pirates or have suddenly decided to attempt mountain climbing and am lost. Or my computer, growing tired of his numerous attempts and being revived each time, has successfully committed suicide. Either way, it won't be good.**

**.**

**.**

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**OH WAIT I ALMOST FORGOT ACTUALLY I DID BUT NOW I HAVE REMEMBERED! Everyone... actually... liked... that cracktastically non-sensical piece of humor? And here I almost didn't post it. Glad to see you enjoyed it. More to come! :D Cya next update!**


	8. Seven: Special Desert

**A/N: I AM NOT DEAD!**

**And here's a nice update to celebrate that fact:**

"What exactly are you doing?" We all turned to see Ootori, standing there, with his glasses pushed up and the light shining off them so you couldn't see his eyes.

"Oh, uh, Kyoya-senpai… how long have you been there?" Owl-san asked.

"Since you started. I looked up to see you all peeking over the couch. It seemed suspicious." I thought I detected his mouth twitching as he tried not to laugh, but I wasn't sure.

"Am I in trouble?" I asked Ootori.

"No. Carry on, if you want to." He took a seat.

"Uh… aren't you going to go back to whatever you were doing before?" Asked Hawk-san.

"And miss this? Oh no." He smiled, evilly, and I got the distinct impression that he had plans to use this to his advantage.

"Guys, forget it. Ootori will just use it for blackmail, or something." I said. Ootori still sat there as Hawk-san and Yummy-san sat on the other couch. Owl-san was next to me and Mouse-san sat in the chair across from Ootori. We all sat there and stared at anything but each other as the awkward silence came back.

"Well… I should probably go." Owl-san said.

"Oh, it was great to hang out with you! Come back!" I said. "I'll bring a board game or something."

"He's my ride home, since my brother wrecked my car." Hawk-san said. "See you next time, Clarissa-san!"

"Mm! Bye!" I said, and they left.

"Actually, everyone should be leaving now." Ootori said. "The Host Club's hours are over." I sighed in relief, but thankfully only Ootori heard.

"Well, good-bye, you two. Come back!" I said.

"Bye, Clarissa-san! Hope your ankle gets better." They said as they left. I noticed the girls leaving too, and smiled.

"So, how did I do?" I asked Ootori, who was still sitting there. I had a feeling he was running through calculations in his head because he had the same deep-in-thought look he got when he was typing on his laptop or writing in his notebook.

"Hm? Oh, you did fine for your first day. Haruhi was better." He said, matter-of-factly, making me angry at the lack of subtlety in that insult. "Are you going to do this again?"

"Only until my ankle heals. It's okay, and the guys are tons better than the girls, but I can't remember their names." I said. "I prefer heavy lifting and sweeping, actually."

"You ankle would heal faster if you didn't strain it so much." Ootori said. I straightened with anger. I recognized right away what he was doing.

"Don't concern yourself. It's my ankle!" I said, and got up. The hosts were done and the twins and Souh were attacking Haruhi. I cleared the tables first, then stacked all the chairs. Takashi stayed behind and helped with some of the chairs and took care of all the tables while I swept.

"Thanks, but I'm getting paid for the work you're doing." I told Takashi. "You can go home."

"No. It's fine." Was all he said. Even with his help, cleaning up took longer than usual. I finally finished, asked him where the elevator was, and went in the direction he pointed. Once I was outside I walked to outside the school and up to the public bus stop. That's where I noticed what time it was. I had missed my bus, and the next one would be here in two-and-a-half hours. That was enough time for me to walk! I sat down on the bench and tilted my head up.

"Why…?" I moaned in English. "Why did you have to wear stilettos, why?" But the truth was, I was a little clumsy, so I probably would have sprained my ankle with heels or without. When I was fighting, it was a different story. My mom said I was as graceful as a dancer. But when I was walking, I must've looked like I was wearing buckets for shoes.

"Get in." I heard someone say. In my present condition it took a couple of seconds for my brain to translate the sounds into words and the words into Japanese and the Japanese into English.

"EH!" I said, as soon as I realized what the words were and the fact that the deep voice probably belonged to a child-snatcher. I jumped up, forgetting my ankle, and fell to the ground as it gave out. I looked up at a shiny black car to see Takashi peering out from the window, face expressionless, but eyebrows a bit bent. Maybe he was concerned about me, or maybe the sun was in his eyes.

"Oh, Takashi-senpai. I'm sorry. I missed my bus." I said. He motioned for me to get in the car and I paused, then opened the door. He was driving, and Honey was nowhere to be seen… Weird.

"I'll drive you home."

"Oh… thanks." I said, and gave him the address. We drove along in silence except for the sound of the radio on low.

When we drove in front of the building I saw the familiar figure of Uncle Hideki pacing in front. I frowned and wanted to sink lower into the plush seats but it would serve no point. He had already seen the car, and as soon as Takashi pulled to a stop, he started walking towards us.

"That's my uncle, Soto Hideki." I said, so Takashi didn't think my uncle was a weirdo. "Thanks for the ride." I popped the door open and immediately wished I hadn't.

"Clarissa! What do you think your doing?" Uh oh. This was bad. No one ever called me Clarissa in my family unless they were mad. It was always Clara. "I didn't bring you crutches so you could run off to school, go out, and come home with some twenty year old man!" He said.

"Ah, Uncle Hideki, this is Morino-"

"I don't care who he is, Clarissa, you are not to be with older men!" What the h- No, no. I had to explain myself, not turn this into a profanity-filled fight the whole neighborhood could hear.

"Uncle, he's not a stranger. He goes to school with me! See, he's wearing the uniform!" I pointed at Takashi, who was as expressionless as ever. "He's just… tall. Sorry about that, Takashi-senpai."

"It's fine."

"Thanks again!" I said. I got out of the car but was surprised to see Takashi getting out too.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Morinozuka Takashi, and I had the pleasure of giving your lovely daughter a ride home.." He said, shaking hands with my uncle. I felt my mouth drop and shut it quickly. What was wrong with Takashi?

"Eh… eh… eh… Uncle, um, Takashi is a grade above me in school."

"Never mind that." My uncle said, after letting go of Takashi's hand. "What I want to know is why you're late."

"Oh, um, well you see… I was working…"

"You're not supposed to be at the dojo today." Uncle Hideki said.

"Yeah, uh, I've been helping out some of the students at school with one of the clubs… it was harder to do it with crutches so I'm late. Takashi helped me and then gave me a ride home when he saw I missed my bus."

"Oh? Well thanks, young man, thanks so much. I swear, Clarissa gets in so much trouble!"

"Yeah, she seems like that kind of person." Takashi said. I blinked at him and tried desperately not to shout at him. Uncle struck up a conversation and soon they were chatting like old buddies.

I tried to remember what could've caused this… Takashi had been silent in the car, and kept his attention on driving; except for once when he turned down the radio, a couple of times when he drank out of a water bottle, and once when he took a pill… that's it! The pill must have been giving him an allergic reaction. I left Takashi in the hands of my uncle and hop-swung to my apartment. The stairs were easier to go up than go down, for some reason. I had managed on the way to school by doing a butt-scoot down the stairs and holding my crutches on my lap. Once I got to my apartment I reached to my phone and accessed the caller ID, then called Ootori.

"Hello, Clarissa-san. I'm a little busy at the moment."

"Ootori! I think Takashi is having an allergic reaction!" I practically yelled in the phone.

"What? Is he with you?" He said, after a pause.

"Mm! He drove me home and he's walking with my uncle. He seems… hyper… for Takashi."

"Oh? Why do you say he might be having an allergic reaction?"

"Because he took some pills a few minutes before he got my apartment. What do I do?"

"He's just acting hyper? Nothing else? No rash, he isn't acting dizzy, no puffy skin?"

"No… he's just hyper and friendly…"

"What type of pills did he take?" I heard a little scuffling and then a completely different voice took over the phone.

"What happened to Mori-senpai? Is he alright?"

"Souh? Get off the phone, you bloody idiot!"

I heard a whimper and then Ootori reclaimed the phone. "Clarissa, are you still there?"

"Yes, Ootori. Is Souh at your house?"

"He wandered into the Greek class again… I'm helping him with his homework."

"Oh. Well, to answer your question, I don't know. I didn't pay attention."

"I see… I'll be over there in a few minutes." He hung up the phone before I could give him directions, although he probably didn't need them. Creep. I hop-swung my way to the stairs where I had to go down in the same manner before. I wished there was an elevator in those buildings! Once I finally got outside, Takashi and Uncle Hideki were deep in a conversation about cars. I leaned against the wall and listened as my Uncle cracked one corny joke after another and Takashi laughed until he was out of breath. When he started making bad jokes of his own I started to get worried but there wasn't much I could do so I settled for keeping an eye on him. I'd just have to sit tight until Ootori got here to cart Takashi away.

Thankfully, I didn't have long to wait. A far-too-nice-for-this-neighborhood car pulled up and parked beside Takashi's car. Out from the backseat came Ootori, Souh, Honey, and the twins.

"Ootori… I thought just you were coming… not the entire club." I said.

"Souh called Honey and the twins. He's quite fond of conference calls." Ootori said. "His excuse was 'The family has to know! It's their right!'"

"I see… not really, but come! Takashi's over there." I hop-swung with bigger strides to where my uncle was. Takashi was suddenly blinking, yawning, and laughing at random things my uncle said.

"Oh, Mitsukini.. you're here! That's aw… aw… awesome." He covered his mouth as he yawned. "Sorry. I took the Benadryl for my headache… and now… I can't seem to stay awake…" His head drooped down.

"Uh…?" My uncle said.

"Clarissa… can we take him to where he can lie down?" Souh asked.

"Mm. My apartment's on the second floor." Souh, Ootori, and the twins all grabbed Takashi as he slept and carried him inside. I followed with Honey, and my uncle fell in step behind me. On the way up the stairs Honey explained to me that when tired, Takashi became hyper and friendly, and that Benadryl made him very tired.

"Can you put him on the couch? My room's a mess." I said. Akiko and I hadn't cleaned up yesterday and there were cups of ramen and craft supplies scattered throughout my room. When I reached the living room, all four of the guys were standing there awkwardly as Takashi slept.

"Thanks, uh…" The clock chimed and my stomach growled, letting me know it was about time for supper. "You guys can stay for supper if you want… I have plenty of stuff but isn't gourmet or fancy. Want to stay, Uncle Hideki? Oh, before I invite people, I should introduce them! Guys, this is my Uncle: Soto Hideki." For once I wasn't being rude… perhaps it was the surprised look my uncle gave me. He often worried about never meeting my friends, and I couldn't bring home Sakura or Ken for obvious reasons. Maybe the Host Club could be my 'friends' for a few hours.

"Nice to meet you, Soto-san." They said.

"And these are the other members of the club I told you about. This is Souh Tamaki, the president and Ootori Kyoya, the vice president and treasurer and secretary and basically everything that has to do with running the club. The twins are Hitachiin Hikaru and Koaru, and this is Mitsukini Haninozuka, called Honey. And his cousin is Takashi."

"Oh, um, hi." Uncle Hideki said. "And I made plans to take your aunt to dinner tonight, and I was going to ask you if you would watch Akiko. But if your having guests…"

"Akiko can come too. But I didn't get an answer from the others yet." Good! My cousin would be here. If I was going to have the Host Club in my house, without even the presence of Haruhi, I wanted someone sane here!

"I have no plans. Souh was going to stay late anyway." Ootori said.

"Great! Hikaru, Koaru, Honey? None of you had a date or anything, right?" I teased.

"We don't have anything planned." One of the twins said.

"Me either." Said Honey.

"Then it's settled. Uncle Hideki, drop off Akiko and have fun with Auntie. All five of you… go sit down… somewhere. I'll see what I have." It turned out, all I had were two trays of sushi and my emergency supply of peanut butter and jelly. And of course, some leftover ramen from yesterday. I really needed to go grocery shopping. I snooped around a little more and found pancake mix that had just enough left for everyone to have a little. And then there could be my special dessert I made with Akiko yesterday… but I'd save that as a surprise. To give them something to do, instead of snooping around my house, I found my teapot and made tea for them.

"So, for dinner we're having sushi, PB&J, ramen, and pancakes. Plus a special dessert my cousin and I made yesterday. Sound good? Oh, and I've been meaning to ask, where's Haruhi." I said.

"Tama-chan called Haru-chan, but she didn't pick up." Honey said.

"Ah, well, that's fine. Oh, Akiko's here!" I said. I hurried to over to the being pounded-upon door and opened it to let my cousin inside. "Akiko, did Uncle Hideki tell you I had guests?"

"Mm! I brought my Gamecube and controllers!" He said, holding up a bag. "And our favorite multiplayer games."

"Thank you, Akiko! You know how to set it up. Before you do, I want you to meet my guests."

"Okay, CJ-chan." I guided him to the room where they were all sitting and pointed at each guest as I said their names.

"This is Ootori Kyoya, Souh Tamaki, Haninozuka Mitsukini… but we call him Honey, and Hitachiins Hikaru and Koaru. I don't know how to tell them apart but if they start doing anything… weird… Hikaru is the instigator."

"Hey!" They said in unison. I smiled and gave them a cheeky look.

"And Morinozuka Takashi is on the couch, sleeping. Most people call him Mori, but Honey and I call him by his name. Oh! And this is my cousin: Soto Akiko!"

"Pleased to meet you…" Everyone said. Akiko gave me a weird look, and I knew he was wondering why I was so hyper… for me. Truth is, I was purposely overwhelming my desire to make biting and sarcastic remarks and kick everyone out with positive thought: A trick I learned back in England, but one that exhausted me so completely that I seldom used it. Flipping my "optimist switch" required deep concentration and a lot of good things happening in life, and I had plenty of them… besides having sprained my ankle, being in debt to the Host Club, and being far away from my family.

"I'm going to go make dinner." I said. "Akiko has four controllers for the Gamecube, and there's a Rubik's cube somewhere around here… that's about all for entertainment. Sorry."

"It's fine." Someone said. I was already on my way into the kitchen, followed by Honey.

"Hey, Clara-chan, do you need any help?"

"Oh, thank you, that might be good. Could you separate this bread into piles of two slices each?" I asked. We worked together as he made sandwiches and I cooked pancakes when Ootori came in.

"I don't like any of the games you have. Need any help?" I glanced at one of the twins, probably Koaru, saw his bored face, and racked my brain for any jobs.

"You could set the table." I said. "Plates and bowls are in that cabinet. Cups are in the one next to it, and silverware is in the drawer by the sink."

"Okay." He started getting everything out and placing them on my kind-of tiny table. When he went to go get the cups, he gasped. "Clarissa… why do you have so many… panda mugs?"

"Oh! Ah, that is, um… pandas are… cute?" I said. Koaru? started cracking up.

"Cute? You like pandas… because… they're cute." He cracked up and I blushed.

"I'm a girl! Girls are supposed to like cute things!" I yelled, my face red as I tried to hide my embarrassment. For a second I considered whacking him in the head with one of my crutches.

"Clara-chan, you don't act like you like cutesy stuff at all." Honey said.

"Oh… that's right… and I don't really. Just pandas." I said. Koaru? stopped laughing and gave me a small smile.

"I apologize for laughing, Clarissa."

I brushed it off. "Don't worry about it, I'd be laughing too." I turned back to my pancakes and continued flipping them while the ramen came to a boil.

"Clara-chan, I'm done with the sandwiches." Honey said.

"Okay. Cut them up into triangles, please." I said. "Koaru... or Hikaru..."

"Koaru." I mentally congratulated myself on my first time correctly identifying one of the Hitachiin twins.

"If you're done setting the table, can you get the sushi out of the fridge, Koaru?"

"Yeah." They both took care of their tasks while I put all the pancakes on a platter, then carried it into the dining room. I put the pancakes in the center, next to the two small platters of sushi, and then went back for the ramen. There was enough for everyone to have a half a sandwich, two pieces of sushi, a small-ish pancake, and a small, small bowl of ramen. Then there was the dessert. I smiled as I went into the kitchen and got the plate of sandwich triangles. It had been so long since I had made pancakes…

"Akiko, Hikaru, Ootori, Souh: it's time to eat. Did Takashi wake up yet?" I called.

"Mori-senpai is still asleep." Hikaru said as he trooped in. We all took a seat around the table and started eating. The pancakes were a little undercooked, but no one but Souh noticed. I knew everyone except Akiko was used to eating different, expensive meals and was surprised when no one complained. Maybe this was their first time eating PB&J and pancakes? I made that type of thing for Akiko all the time, so he was used to it. I did notice that the bowls of ramen were all half-finished. They had already eaten good-quality ramen and the cheap kind I served just wasn't the same. It was fine with me; I was too embarrassed over the panda-issue now to be rude.

"Alright! Now for dessert!" Akiko said.

"Yeah! I'm giving them our special dessert." I told him.

"Oh really? That's awesome! I'll get the bowls." Akiko said. I ignored the somewhat scared faces that appeared when I said "special dessert" and went to get it from the fridge. It was a big bowl of blue gelatin, with Swedish Fish and other sorts of yummy things in it to make it look like a fishbowl. Wonka Nerd candy was used for the rainbow pebbles, and other sorts of gummy and fruit-flavored candy made seaweed, anemones, and coral. It was something to be proud of, and had taken us so long to make it was unbelievable.

I carried it out, using (as I had for the other dishes) only one crutch, and saw faces light up with surprise -and in Souh's case, relief- as I set it on the table.

"Clarissa-chan, are all these different foods from England?" One of the twins, probably Koaru, asked. Now that they were together they had gone and confused me again.

"Some. My parents send me a few food-things every other month, but a lot of this is American and from other countries because the stores I go to don't separate the imported foods by country, just by more of a general direction." I said.

"Oh, CJ, weren't we gonna have whipped cream on top?" Akiko asked.

"Oh duh, that's right!" I said. "I'll be right back." I checked the fridge but the only whipped cream I had was past its expiration date. That's what happened when you have a sugar problem –all your goodies go bad because you can't eat them. I was probably going to give myself an upset stomach with just the plain dessert; it was a good thing the only sweet I went crazy for was chocolate-covered pretzels.

"You guys are weird." Said Akiko as I walked in.

"That they are, cousin dearest, that they are. Anyway, my whipped cream is expired. We'll just eat it plain." I grabbed the spoon and took the first scoop of the dessert –making sure there was enough candy mixed in with the gelatin- and plopped it into the bowl Akiko handed me.

"Who wants first?" I asked.

"Me! I wanna try Clara-chan's dessert!" Honey said. I smiled and passed him the bowl.

"This will be right up your alley. Souh, you can be next and then the twins, then Ootori, then Akiko." I said as I already scooped up the next serving. "Akiko, since you're next-to-last, go check on Takashi."

"'Kay." He got up and walked out of the room, and returned as I finished serving the last twin. "He's half-awake, CJ."

"Oh, okay. I'll go check on him, then." I said, handing Ootori his bowl. I finished up and stood, struggling a little with my crutches but otherwise okay. I was really getting the hang of using those.

Takashi yawned as I came in, then saw me and sat up.

"Takashi, you're at my house. Do you remember taking that Benadryl?" He nodded. "Well, you were tired and acting weird so I called the Host Club. They're here now. Did you want to talk to Ootori or Honey?"

"No." I sighed in relief. It was good to have normal Takashi back. Somehow, though, even in his hyper state, I got the feeling we had a slight bond between us -two sane people surrounded by, well, the Host Club.

"Okay, well, I had them stay for supper and there's some left for you, as well as dessert. Also, my cousin, Akiko, is here. They're all in the other room." He nodded and got up off the couch, stretched his arms, and continued. I followed behind, hop-swinging my way in the suddenly cramped apartment. Honey welcomed Takashi in the typical way and I smiled. Maybe I was getting soft or maybe, just maybe, the Host Club was growing on me.

**A/N: And so... CJ and the Host Club are friends. And I have updated. And used the word "trooped" in this post. I feel pretty accomplished.**

**REVIEW! Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty please?**

**Perhaps next chapter/update, I shall have a shout-out to reviewers... hmm... (that isn't a bribe. nope.)**

**Because I didn't know the name of any Japanese medications, Benadryl is mentioned. And yes, Takashi+no sleep = hyper Takashi is the only manga reference in this fanfiction. Maybe. I think. I didn't even read the manga, so 98% chance...?**

**... I have a knack for beating the odds/defying natural rules/being weird. So I'll keep even me guessing until the very end. Hope you enjoyed my update!**

**I own nothing except Clarissa and her assorted family members. No copyright infringment here. No sir.**


	9. Authors note: Target practice, anyone?

**A/N: Aw man... I am sooo sorry.**

**And I realize that this is most likely against the rules. I apologize. But I feel I need to have something up here.**

**My grandma and grandpa died within a week of each other so I've been sort of busy and not really up to writing... but that was a month ago, and when I finally went to update, my computer goes ahead and dies on me again.**

**Have you ever screamed at inaminate objects? It's really quite liberating. And their feelings can't get hurt. I suggest you try it.**

**So, what computer am I on to be posting this? I'm borrowing. I'm so happy! It's summer, and if I don't have a computer to myself or the document with my story on it, at least I have a borrowed computer and enough time to reply to reviews! :D**

**I'm going to update. As soon as I get that computer up and running again (and I don't know when this will happen. Next week? November? Next year? Could be anytime!) I'm gonna make like a freakin' million copies of my fanfic and then when my computer goes to die I can just wave the copies in front of it just to spite the suicidal thing.**

**Until that happens, though, you're stuck with this crappy author's note instead of a chapter. I can just imagine how those who have me on story alert must feel. I know, I know: I suck. You have my permission to virtually throw things at me.**

**Just try not to aim for the face.**


	10. Special Extra: Bunny Cosplay

**A/N: As promised, update! But...**

**THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT! READ OR DIE!**

**This actually isn't an update. Oh, wow, am I confusing. Think of the chapter as a fun little extra that holds absolutely no value with my plot. If I actually had a plot. Okay, I have like three vage directions and the rest of what happens comes to me as I write.**

**So, in the "canon" of my story, this holds no value. It's like fanfiction for my fanfiction. This actually is just something I wrote and it turned out to have a lot to do with the characters' relationships to each other.**

**Read! Enjoy! I'll try and get the real stuff up here soon! *kicks computer***

* * *

I turned the music up louder. And louder. And louder, until the volume could go no further.

"Would you all shut the bloody hell up before I dismember you?" I shouted over my shoulder.

What met my eyes was a sight so disturbing that it still makes me shudder.

Takashi, the only sane one in the entire group, was of course off in the corner -away from the madness- being the sane one that he is.

Ootori, the creepiest but second sanest, had apparently lost his glasses to the twins. Of course I did not know this, and watching him crawl around on the floor was enough to make me want to turn my head and pretend I never saw anything.

Haruhi, who is considered by some to be sane, was wearing a bunny suit and carrying a giant bag filled with instant coffee tins. She met my stare and rolled her eyes over to Souh.

Souh, the ridiculously insane and obnoxiously arrogant prince of the host club, was dressed in a matching bunny suit. He was blushing, smiling like a fool, and zoning out.

Honey, the cake-obsessed shortie, was also wearing a bunny suit and begging Ootori to let him ride on his back. The impatient Ootori kept on waving Honey away, but Honey only wailed and followed Ootori around as he searched for his glasses.

You don't even want to know what the twins were doing.

...

Okay, fine. Hikaru and Koaru were also wearing bunny suits: no, not the innocent, easter bunny suits but more of the "sexy bunny" suits. Leotard, cuff and collar pieces, tails and headband ears, and the heeled shoes. Yes, they even had the fishnets. The two were occupied by pestering Haruhi by rubbing their shoulders against her back and snickering over a familiar-looking pair of glasses they held.

The sight of the twins dressed as if they were characters in a perverted manga, showing off way too much of themselves that I never wanted to see, was too much.

"Bleach! I need bleach! My eyes, my eyes!" I screamed, diving back behind my chair. I knew -I just knew!- when I first walked in this morning that I would need my chair turned away from the hosts and toward the wall.

"Um... Clarissa, if you could hold off on ruining your eyes and find my glasses, I'm willing to erase ten percent of your debt..." Ootori said.

I appeared beside the twins in a flash, used the situation as an excuse to kick them both to the floor with a single sweep of my leg, and watched the wire-rimmed glasses fly out of their hands and up into the air. I grinned, jumped, and snatched the glasses. I landed on Souh, who had managed to trip over one of the twins' leg, and was sprawled on top of them.

The resounding chorus of moans and complaints was music to my ears as I crossed the room to where Ootori was now standing and brushing off his clothes.

"I trust you have them?" He asked, in a low tone, meant to be dangerous and threatening sounding. It was, but I ignored it.

"Just how blind are you without these?" I dangled the glasses in front of Ootori, he frowned at me and grabbed at the glasses but missed the first time. I smirked as he scowled, laughed as he stalked away.

"So, before I go stab my eyes out with a spoon, I'm gonna specially request no more bunny cosplay again. Ever. For the sake of the health of your customers, and for mine."

"Agreed." Ootori said, Haruhi nodded, and Mori grunted. I told you they were sane!

"But...Haruhi..." Souh fell to his knees in a gloriously dramatic fashion, holding his arm to his forehead in a tragic appeal to the heavens as he turned his handsomely blonde face upwards.

"Haru-chan looks so cute in the bunny outfit though!" Cried Honey.

"Okay, Haruhi and Honey are fine but no one ever wants to see _that_..." I pointed at the twins. "Ever again."

"Actually, the number of their fans that do appreciate such is quite a large percentage. But I've recieved complaints from a teacher so I think we'll have to find a new cosplay that will be an eqaul -if not greater- success." I stared at Kyoya. The others seemed to take his words as normal but I was still not used to the way he was on top of everything.

"That's right. But what would girls like more than twins dressed as bunnies engaging in behavior that dangerously borders on the forbidden...?" Pondered Souh.

"What do girls really, really like? Clara-chan?" Honey asked me.

"Go ask Haruhi." I said.

"Nah, she's not like other girls." One of the twins said. "She only likes studying and stuff."

The other twin joined his counterpart and rested his arm on the other's shoulder. "But you at least hang out with girls... right? Their were two girls with you when we were at the restaurant."

"Yeah, Sakura's one of my friends, but I have more guy-"

"Great! So, Clarissa: what does a girl like?" Souh said, pointing his finger at me. "Come to think of it, we never did find out what you like yourself... what shall it be, my princess? Would your prefer to date a golden prince like me?" Souh got uncomfortably close to me, and draped his arm around my shoulder.

"Away!" I shouted, punching him out of my space.

"What about us, the mischievous twins?" Said the dreaded two. I glared at them.

"Dream on, losers."

"Clara-chan? What about me, Clara-chan?" Honey tugged on my shirt until I looked down at him. He seemed to be surrounded by a pretty aura of pink flowers, smiling as innocently as a child.

"Date you?" I asked, incredulous. "That would be bordering on pedophilism."

"So, something tells me that you'd like someone like our natural type over here?" Souh recovered and pushed Haruhi towards me. I looked at her bewildered face, then back at Souh's curious one with utter disbelief.

"I know Haruhi's a girl, and I'm straight. Why the hell would you ask that?"

"So! She must be interested in our shadow king then!" Exclaimed the twins.

Ootori stopped typing on his laptop and looked up at us. "I assure you, Clarissa harbors no feelings for me except those of resentment, occasional disgust, and a grudging acceptance."

"Ha!" I shouted at Souh.

"That leaves Mori..." One of the twins, probably Koaru as he seemed to be smarter. "So, do you like the wild type?"

I started laughing. "Takashi? Wild?" I thought about it. Takashi was definitely the sane one.

He was quiet, I didn't mind that at all. He never yelled or screamed; he was patient. He would do anything for Honey, his close friend and cousin. He was loyal, strong, and a gentle giant. From stories I'd been told, Takashi had a strong sense of honor and responsibility, would quietly bear the weight of the world on his shoulders and blame himself if he stumbled, and was unselfish and caring beneath the gruff exterior. He seemed to be the most dependable, I couldn't for the life of me figure out just how he was wild.

"So...? Would you date Mori?" I came out of my musings and stared across the room at Takashi. He was the tallest, even leaning forward his great height was obvious. He was muscular, though it was hard to tell through the school uniform. However, thanks to the numerous cosplay the club often wore, I'd seen Takashi shirtless and the view was amazing and he definitely had the best body.

Takashi looked up at me, his dark eyes staring straight into mine, and the corner of his mouth twitched. I quickly looked away, blushing.

"Um... I guess, if I was limited only to the host club, I would date Takashi." I admitted.

"So Clarissa _does_ have an interest in romance." Souh said.

"Shut up!" I punched him. "Why are we even talking about this? Didn't you ask about what other girls like -not what I do?"

"Oh, yes. So, what do girls like?"

"Well... they like shopping." I said. "And new shoes. And, um, cute things. Most like kittens and puppies. But when it comes to guys... girls are very different. So it's really hard to choose a theme for cosplay that they'd all like. I think as long as you're all shirtless..." I glanced at Haruhi then. "Okay, as long as everyone except Haruhi is shirtless, it should be a success. "

"Well, that was no help at all." Hikaru (?) deadpanned.

"Well how the hell am I supposed to know? I only have one girl friend and a sister!"

"That's... all...?" Souh seemed shocked. "Haruhi is your only friend?" He hugged Haruhi close to him, his eyes filling with tears ready to spill over and slide down his face.

"Haruhi isn't my friend." I said, and walked away, back to the safety of my chair.

"What?" I tried to ignore Souh but he began a tirade of something to with feelings and we were all in the same club and we were one big family and I was the rebellious cousin so my behaviour was understandable but I must try harder and assorted crap.

"Souh. Shut up. Get out of my face. I'm happy as fu-" I eyed Honey. "I mean, I'm overjoyed I'm _not_ related to you and never will be, so I won't stand for any talk otherwise. If you ever refer to me as a member of your dysfunctional and completely illusioned family I will beat you so hard your teeth will fall out of your eye sockets."

"You're so scary!" Souh sobbed. I rolled my eyes. Had the man no dignity? I honestly couldn't comprehend anything of the messed up relationships in the host club.

"I don't understand any of your messed up relationships." I announced. The hosts turned their heads towards me.

"What do you mean?" Asked Ootori, smiling as if he knew exactly what I was going to say. I clenched my fist and seethed at his creepiness.

"For instance, you! Why do you let Souh call you the 'mommy'? Why are you even friends with Souh? You're complete opposites! And what about the twins? I don't understand! They clearly hold some sort of respect for Souh beneath their taunts but for Pete's sake, _why_? And how the hell does Honey come into all of this? Why does Souh have to create his own family with this stupid club?"

"Well, it can all be answered with a simple story." Ootori said. "Which someone will have to tell you someday, I suppose." I glared at him, setting the intensity level to fifty million. Of course, Ootori has those deflective glasses so it didn't help at all.

Haruhi walked over to me. "Tamaki! Clarissa and I really aren't friends... we are in different classes, so I never really see her except for here, and we are both busy when we're here, and we both go home and study when we're done."

"Haruhi's right. She's a blunt enough girl that if we had met outside of the club, we could've been friends. However, as a boy, she just isn't adventurous or interesting for us to be friends. And since she and I work here and it sucks up our time, we really don't have time to be friends."

"How does my being a boy or a girl matter?" Haruhi asked me.

"As a boy, you are a member of the host club, and your 'type' is not at all interesting. As a girl, which is basically when you stop being that 'type', you're an interesting person." This is why I like Haruhi. Even though she's not totally sane (don't think I haven't caught those looks at Souh!) she's got the type of personality where I can be completely honest and neither of us will think the other rude.

"I see. Well, even if we had associated outside of the club, I don't think we could be friends. You are too interested in things like martial arts and motorcycles and motors and I'm more interested in studying, so what would we have in common?"

"Well, I excel at English."

"So, we both are good at our studies."

"But you had a point. I would want to go out and do something exciting and you would be devoted to studying to do well in your next test."

"Exactly. So, even if we had bothered to establish a friendship, we couldn't maintain it because of our lack of similarities." Fully satisfied with our conclusion, we turned to see the hosts staring at us.

"For not having anything in common, you two are frighteningly alike." One of the twins said.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. I should've known better than to think the host club could follow a logical discussion.

"Okay, guys, I'll explain it better. See Haruhi? And Souh? Souh likes Haruhi, and Haruhi actually likes Sou back. The difference between us is that while any of you may all freely fall in love with my beauty and graceful, feminine personality... fat chance on getting me to fall for any of you losers." As the surrounding club only blinked at me, I realized it would take two-thirds of them a good five minutes to work out the sarcasm.

I collapsed back into my chair, leaving the hosts to their own devices. I couldn't resist one last peek at the shadow sitting in a chair, watching the antics of the afternoon. When my eyes caught the gaze of those dark, mysterious pools reflecting the light from the chandeliers staring back at me, I jumped a little in surprise. I was definitely not imagining it. That little tug at Takashi's mouth?

A smirk.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you liked it? I wrote MorixClarissa! My first time ever posting that :) Hahaha it's actually really slow but that's how I write romance... I remember co-authoring with two people and their characters got together in like the second chapter, whereas I took my time and established their relationship before they started dating like *snaps fingers* that! And then they broke up in like a week. Yeah, I take my time. And then I just torture my characters. So, I actually am planning a whole lengthy romance thing and then a real tragic scene. I hope it will be tragic.**

**Anyway, in case my prose was confusing, here's Clarissa's relationship to the hosts.**

**Clarissa doesn't care for the twins because they mess around with her, the twins treat her almost the same way as Tamaki. She'll hit them harder and she's harder to outsmart, but she's easier to anger. So they have fun with their new "toy" much to Clarissa's misfortune. Clarissa also doesn't try to get to know the twins so she can't really tell them apart at all, and she rarely tries to distuinguish between them and tends to group them together.**

**Clarissa thinks of Tamaki as someone with some serious mental problems and can't understand his way of thinking at all. Tamaki tries to see the best in Clarissa and make her welcome but she's already comfortable in her position and thinks of his way of being friendly as trying to control her. Her reaction to him is a lot like how the twins treat him, so he will sometimes think of her as exactly like them. She knows he likes Haruhi but thinks of him as a stalker and absolutely cannot understand why Haruhi likes him. Clarissa calls Tamaki by his surname because she doesn't want to know him closely enough to call him by his first name.**

**Clarissa treats Honey as she would a kid of her cousin's age. Clarissa is very protective of her cousin and loves him very much so for a kid his age (or a guy who acts that age) Clarissa will feel almost the same way. Because of Honey's talent for consuming large portions of cake in large amounts, his actual age, and his association with the host club Clarissa doesn't care for him as much as she would and it's always in the back of her mind that he's another one of the host club freaks. Honey is friendly to Clarissa but he cannot approve of her rude and loud ways and her swearing.**

**Clarissa thinks that Haruhi as a boy is boring and a wimp, and prefers when she's not with her guests because the two can get along. She likes the bluntness of Haruhi because she's sick of all the lies and flattery in Ouran High School. Clarissa can't understand Haruhi's attraction to Tamaki and concludes that Haruhi is actually crazy. Haruhi likes Clarissa's bluntness but doesn't approve of her assocation with Ryou's gang. She realizes Clarissa can fend for herself and doesn't feel like she has to intervene, and realizes that she can't make Clarissa do anything she doesn't want to.**

**Clarissa views Kyoya as responsible for her having to put up with the club. She resents him, bordering on hate, and gets creeped out everytime he reveals he knows more about someone than that person knew. She suspects him strongly of having a profile on every student. She accepts him as the picture he presents himself as and unlike Haruhi she doesn't realize that a lot of it is an act. She thinks Kyoya is uncapable of emotion. Kyoya thinks she is a good worker but wishes she would be less of a loud, obnoxious person because she is distracting and rowdy. He recognizes her intelligence and realizing Clarissa is smart is actually quite a feat! He is often amused by how she carries on with the hosts and her constant temper. Clarissa calls Kyoya Ootori for the same reason she calls Tamaki Souh. These are also the first names she knew them by.**

**Clarissa finds Mori to be the sanest host. She's slowly getting more and more curious about him. She's also got a slight attraction to him but refuses to admit it. Mori has never met anyone like Clarissa. He appreciates the allowances she makes for his cousin and the care she takes not to set a bad example for him (which is ironic, since he is older, but Mori still appreciates that she is willing to be somewhat protective of his cousin.) although she is clearly repulsed by the hosts. Clarissa calls Mori Takashi because that's the first name she knew him by, and because she thinks it fits him more than Mori.**

**Wow! That was really long! Well, review if you like! If not, save it for the actual update.**


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